Top Questions to Ask Your Potential Spouse About Their Kids


photo credit: moodboardphotography via photopin cc

Important Questions to Ask Your Potential Mate Who Has Children:

The following questions outline the issues that most stepfamilies struggle with during a remarriage.

Q: What are your daily and weekly routines/schedules?

A: Lack of routines/regular schedules creates high stress levels and conflict between the biological parents and new couple. Adding predictability and structure to daily and weekly schedules decreases the amount of time and energy you’ll spend arguing about it.

Q: How do you handle discipline? What kinds of consequences will your kids face?

A: You and your potential mate may have very different disciplining styles. Understanding and respecting these differences will help you create a consistent, congruent discipline style that works for the whole household.

Q: What role do you see me playing in terms of discipline?

A: Agreeing on the forms and norms (“house rules”) is vital to relationship success. Defining roles up front allows for a smoother transition.

Q: How do you get along with your former spouse?

A: One of the biggest issues between couples in stepfamilies revolves around former spouses. Prepare in advance for the divorce-related issues you may be forced to confront.

family medallion ceremony

Q: How did your actions contribute to your divorce/breakup?

A: Understanding past mistakes increases our chances of success in remarriage.

Q: Tell me about your parents and their roles in the household. How did your parents get along? Who did what, in terms of household management? Finances? Housekeeping? How were children treated? How were children disciplined?family1249

A: The households in which we grew up set the stage for how we expect our current households to work. Understanding the dynamics of your (and your new mate’s) “family of origin” provides insights into each other’s expectations.

Q: How much time do you spend with your children? How do you spend this time?149

A: Again, knowing what to expect greatly improves how you’ll work together as a couple.

Q: What kind of visitation agreement do you have with your ex-spouse?

A: Vacillating, unpredictable visitation arrangements are known to cause significant rifts between step-couples, children and ex-spouses.

Q: What would happen if primary custody of the children were to switch?

A: How would your potential mate respond if primary custody were to switch? If you have primary custody now, but it later goes to the other parent, what would this mean for you? A move? A job change? Financial impact? Alternatively, if you do not have primary custody, but were granted it, how would your potential mate respond? How would life change?

Suggested Posts

j crew second wedding dresses

While we sit here in the depths of winter, our minds wonder to spring and our second wedding. Sun, wind and lots of guest all ready to celebrate with you on your special day. Today, we are giving you a great reason to break free from winter and start planning you second wedding dress. We …

1 5.3k
Share
wedding reception ideas

So you’re getting married at city hall. Whether you aren’t particularly religious or simply want to save money, a city hall ceremony will be over about as soon as you say “I do.” If you need a little help with what kind of reception to throw, read on, my kittens, read on. You may have …

0 3.6k
Share

Do I Have To Wear A Fancy Gown To My Second Wedding? Question I am a 55 yr old divorcee and he is a 58 yr old widower. We are getting married in a church. The idea of tripping down the aisle in a fancy gown gives me the heeby jeebies and so I wonder if …

0 8.7k
Share
second marriage vows

Getting married for the second time is not only an act of love, it is also an act of optimism and faith. A “wedding mach 2” is also a chance to do it “your way” rather than focusing on the traditional stuff that took precedence the first time around. Writing your own vows is therefore highly recommended …

2 4.5k
Share

The question has been popped; the plans are being made; and now the big day is almost here. The time between engagement and officially tying the knot seems to fly by. In fact, you will probably look back on those few months and remember only a blur of excitement and emotion. The actual wedding day …

0 3.9k
Share
outdoor vow renewal

  Planning an outdoor vow renewal ceremony requires special care, mainly because nature is so gosh-darn unpredictable! Take the necessary precautions and ensure your day is as stress-free as possible: 1) Have a Backup Plan Even if having your renewal in the most temperate climate ever, it’s still a very, very good idea to have …

0 5.1k
Share