My Second Wedding, His First


tumblr_n5wa85HJXj1st5lhmo1_1280

Question: My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. My first wedding was lavish and expensive – my father picked up the tab. My boyfriend is very traditional and wants a big wedding, tons of groomsmen, the chicken dance, garter toss…the whole nine yards. I am ademently opposed to all of this.

I dream of a very elegant, intimate ceremony with close friends and family – not bridesmaids and by no means do I want to toss a bouquet! Afterall, most of my friends are married and having children! First of all, can I choose to not have bridesmaids and he still have groomsmen? Also, we are both in our 30’s and very financially well-off, he still thinks that my father should pick up the tab. That is ridiculous to me seeing as though he makes a whole lot more money than my father. What are ways that we can meet in the middle while respecting each other’s wishes? Usually it is the other way around – the bride wants a big ‘to-do” and the groom wants something lower key. How can I get him to realize that I don’t want to be “one of those women” in a big white poffy dress with 10 bridesmaids trailing behind me?! (I dind’t have that at my first wedding, certainly don’t want it for my second!_ Thanks!

Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant, Etiquette Now

Dear My Second,

One way to perhaps discourage your groom is to remind him that fathers typically do not ‘pick up the tab’ at his daughter’s second wedding. In fact, many couples are paying for their first weddings these days.

There doesn’t have to be the same amount of bridesmaids as groomsmen, but it would seem a bit off balance for your groom to have a large number of groomsmen and you none.

I think your salvation, though, is in the fact that daddy doesn’t have to pay. Once your fiance realizes how much all of this costs and you two will have to pay for it, he may change his tune.

Best wishes,

Reverend Susanna

Perfect reply by Rebecca.If that doesn’t work work, my dear, have a heart to heart with your love. There are many ways that you can compromise…not so small…not so big….

And that sounds like marriage!

Blessings!

 

Suggested Posts

Jewish Remarriage

Tips for Jewish and Interfaith Couples By Rabbi Andrea Frank The other day I opened the New York Post and often I find myself compelled to read Page Six. This is a well known section of this popular New York newspaper. It covers news about the celebrities and on this particular day I was struck …

0 3.8k
Share
Preppy Wedding Dresses for Older Brides

For a chic, sophisticated and clean go with a wedding gown that speaks to your inner “preppy” inspired self. Whether it’s your second time down the aisle or you’re just a bit more experienced and worldly when you say your first I do’s, these dresses match bridal style and life hand-in-hand. It doesn’t get more …

0 4k
Share

A simple celebration calls for a simple maid of honor dress for your most special lady. Versatile colors, easy shapes and a solid foundation for personalizing and accessorizing. They’re perfect picks for vow renewals and destination celebrations alike! Check out this selection of easy, breezy maid of honor dresses! via Pinterest

0 4k
Share

Blending a family has its trials and tribulations, but when it comes to the wedding it can be a beautiful moment for everyone involved. Whether you’ve been divorced, widowed or have children from a previous relationship, there are a lot of various ways that the mixing of two families can happen. And when it does, …

0 4.8k
Share
Plus-Size Body Hugging Wedding Gowns

If you’ve got beautiful and sexy curves, then there’s no reason to try and hide them away under bouts and bouts of tulle. Instead, take a peek at these plus-size wedding gowns that will hug your body in all the right ways. Strut your stuff in this hot design, and wear your hair up in …

0 3.9k
Share