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dating a widower

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Post #1 of 2 (2258 views)

dating a widower

I have been dating a man whose wife died 11 months ago after a long battle with cancer. We have been seeing each other for about 5 months. I have three children and he has two. Very few people know of our relationship, although we spend a lot of time together as a group. I have been separated/divorced for over five years and this is the first serious relationship I have been in. I care deeply about him and he feels the same. I have recently been thinking about how long our relationship will remain a secret because he is protecting his children. I absolutely don't want to pressure him in any way but on the other hand I feel I am in need of some kind of commitment. I am not the dating kind of person. He seems to think that his children 11 and 14 are unaware of our relationship. We are not overly affectionate with one another while in the presence of the children but I can't imagine they are clueless. I guess my question is whether it is unreasonable to expect him to make any kind of commitment to me.

yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

Post #2 of 2 (2228 views)

Re: [children] dating a widower [In reply to]

I think it's reasonable for you to broach the subject with him and explain how you are feeling and what you would like to see in a relationship with him. He, in turn has the right to do let you know exactly where he stands as well. It's never unreasonable to ask someone where they stand with you, but it doesn't mean he is ready to make a commitment or should be. His loss is relatively recent and given the children involved and depending on the kind of person he is, he may want to play things safe and give it some more time. He too needs to do what is best for him at this time and for his family and when he tells you what that is, you can decide for yourself if you are on the same page.
Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach,
Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute
http://www.stepinstitute.ca