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Wedding invitation for sisters of previous wife?

brianhy
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Post #1 of 2 (1517 views)

Wedding invitation for sisters of previous wife?

I am a widower getting remarried at 55 years.
I have had some discussions with my new love about my wish to invite my deceased wife's three sisters and family to our wedding. I would like them to attend my wedding and they are keen to attend and wish us all the best but my wife to be has reservations about this.
She also does not wish me to introduce her to them.
There are no unusual personality aspects here - both my deceased wife's family and my new wife to be are very supportive, kind and happy/sociable people.
We have about 100 people attending the wedding and reception and are not restricting the number in any way.
I suppose I feel that we have, with my son and the sisters in particular and other family members, all supported one another through the sudden loss and I don't wish to exclude them from my life just because I'm remarrying and would have ideally liked my new wife to meet them occasionally socially.
Reasons for not meeting/inviting are quoted as comparison, they could be upset during the church service, and also whether her own family might not fully understand someone getting remarried after losing a partner which I understand is not so common in Caribbean families or may feel that I am not over the previous loss yet. Risk of spoiling the day?
I know the route forward here involves discussion and understanding rather than quoting rules/etiquette/traditions etc but would still be interested in any comments you might have from an etiquette standpoint.
Thanks

(This post was edited by brianhy on May 6, 2008, 1:55 AM)

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #2 of 2 (1498 views)

Re: [brianhy] Wedding invitation for sisters of previous wife? [In reply to]

Dear Brianhy,

It is usually best not to invite the family from a previous marriage. It is confusing for some and unsettling for others. It would be wonderful to believe that no one would be comparing your new wife to your last, but most often that is not the case. With your previous wife's family there, there just may be more focus on your loss, than on your new future as well.

If you know that your fiancee is uncomfortable with them being invited, it is best not to invite them. For we shouldn't want to make our significant others uncomfortable ever. Your wedding shouldn't be an occasion that she dreads.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com