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Remarrying after death of spouse

klsimon
New User

Post #1 of 2 (3505 views)

Remarrying after death of spouse

Hi this is my first post on your sight, it will be a year in March since I lost my wife to illness but here is the situation. We were seperated and had filed for divorce prior to her death. We have 2 children a 12yr old daughter and a 17yr old stepson. During our 4 month seperation my late wife and children had moved out and I stayed in our house until the house sold. Consequently my late wife passed and I moved the kids back in and did not sell. During our seperation and before her death I met someone. Because I was going through a divorce a wasn't rushing to get serious with anyone because of the bad relation ship and wanting to get my son graduated from high school. After the death my realationship with this woman has grown to us getting married this summer. During this past year I wanted to make sure that my kids were ok with this and I monitored this my slowly interacting with my fiancee. It will be a 1yr and 4mo when we get married, is that a reasonable time? My next question is it unreasonable to live in the house that my late wife lived in if my kids think it's o.k?

Partner4Success
SOCIAL WORKER

Post #2 of 2 (3491 views)

Re: [klsimon] Remarrying after death of spouse [In reply to]

Hello and thanks for your question!

I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" timeframe. I can tell you that statistics have shown that people who wait at least 2 years to remarry after a divorce are more likely to succeed. I'm not familiar with stats for a spouse's death.

The biggest indicators to look for are:

1. How do the kids feel about the remarriage?
Do they get along with your fiance? Have they dealt with the grief over losing their mom? Have you and the kids dealt with the fact that the marriage was ending and any feelings that anyone has about this?

2. How much work have you and your fiance done in preparing for this marriage?
Good marriages don't just happen. Being "in love" isn't enough. That "in love" feeling changes and matures over time if a solid foundation is built at the beginning. This preparation is ESPECIALLY important when a step family will be created. I don't know if your fiance has children, but irregardless, this will be a new step family. I'd encourage you to educate yourself on "Step family preparation."

3. Have you had a chance to deal with the loss of your marriage and then the death of your children's mother? It's easy to be in another relationship and avoid really having to deal with these losses and changes. They will come back to haunt you and your new marriage if not handled properly.

Your final question was about where to live. That's really a question you need to discuss with your children and fiance. Does SHE feel comfortable living in the same house? I know a lot of couples just can't afford to move, so what they will do is some major re-decorating so that the house feels like it's new. If this is a possibility, how do your kids feel about this? Again, it's all a matter of personal preference depending on how everyone in the family feels.

I wish you and your family the best!
Alyssa Johnson - Clinical social worker.
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