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Nervous to tell mother-in-law about new boyfriend

Mary B
New User

Post #1 of 2 (1822 views)

Nervous to tell mother-in-law about new boyfriend

I lost my husband in April 2004 when he was 31 and I was 26. I always have and always will consider him my soul-mate. People would lok at us and know how much we meant to one another. I started casually dating about a year or so later. I did not want to jump into anything serious, I needed to give myself time to move on. Well, I met someone and he is great. We get along great, want the same things out of life, we both want children, and he is very understanding of mt situation. He is great. We have been dating for almost a year and he has mentioned marriage and children in the past month. The thing is - I haven't told my late husbands mother about him and im nervous to. She has told me on more than one occassion that she does not want me to date and move on. I know that this is very selfish and unreasonable, considering im only 29. I am loknig for some advice on what I might be able to say to her. She never had a chance to grieve over her son's death completely because a month later her husband of 35 years passed away as well. Any advice as to what I can tell her or how to go about telling her without hurting her feelings?

Thanks

Partner4Success
SOCIAL WORKER

Post #2 of 2 (1820 views)

Re: [Mary B] Nervous to tell mother-in-law about new boyfriend [In reply to]

Hi Mary,

Congratulations on being willing to open your heart again and find someone you really enjoy spending time with.

Your former husband's mother has put you in a very tight spot here. Obviously you respect this woman very much, otherwise you wouldn't be so concerned about not hurting her.

I would suggest easing into it. Try to talk about what life with her son was like and how much the two of you loved one another. Let her know how devastated you were when you lost him and how you've taken a long time trying to heal from that loss. Let her know that you feel you are in a place to be dating again and want another relationship in your life. I wouldn't let her know right away about this specific person. Let her get used to the idea of you dating first. Now, I wouldn't lie to her if she asks you point blank.

The biggest thing is to let her know that you haven't "forgotten" her son. That's probably her fear.

Hopefully she'll be reasonable. It may take her some time to get used to the idea. Ultimately though, you need to do what is right for you and not hold back in order to help her with her grief. Grieving, as I'm sure you know, is a very personal journey that everyone must handle in their own way. Just because she has not handled hers well does not make you responsible for that.

I wish you the best!
Alyssa Johnson - Clinical social worker.
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