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Moving Past Grief and Guilt to Remarry

kate
New User

Post #1 of 3 (1913 views)

Moving Past Grief and Guilt to Remarry

I've been reading a lot about grief and the different steps required for a person to move forward and letting go. But what must one do to lessen the guilt before moving on to a new marraige? Other than talking about it are there any special mental exercises?

thank you.

(This post was edited by the_admin on May 10, 2009, 10:14 PM)

Partner4Success
SOCIAL WORKER

Post #2 of 3 (1904 views)

Re: [kate] grief and guilt [In reply to]

Hi Kate,

That's a hard question to answer. It really depends on what the guilt is about. Without knowing any details, I'd suggest you begin to regularly journal.

This is quite different from keeping a diary. Journaling is writing with a purpose. It's not just keeping a log of daily activities. I'd suggest trying to do this daily or every other day. Just begin writing with no specific goal in mind. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, etc. Don't censor any of the thoughts that come into your mind. Just write.

Good luck!
Alyssa Johnson - Clinical social worker.
Remarriage Success E-Book

yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

Post #3 of 3 (1901 views)

Re: [kate] grief and guilt [In reply to]

I would agree that it is really hard to reply without more information but the short answer is this. Guilt is a version of self-blame and judement, something most of us are pretty good at. You may be choosing to hold on to the guilt because you blame yourself for something and punish yourself by holding on to that. You might even be hoping that this awful feeling goes away on its own but I guarantee it won't as long as you're holding on to certain thoughts and beliefs that are actually creating and perpetuating the guilt for you. Without knowing the details, I would like to direct you to a website www.rebt.org where I think you might find some help. It is the Institute for Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy or REBT. REBT proposes that all of our emotional distress is caused by irrational beliefs and thoughts that we hold and hold on to. So in essence once we identify what those thoughts are and dispute them, we can let go of whatever distress they are causing, ie. anger, shame, guilt, anxiety, etc. This is a very simple explanation but if you are really interested in looking at some mind exercises to help you with this then I would strongly recomment you visit this site as this is exactly what they're all about - helping people actively dispute and replace the irrational beliefs that are creating their own distress. The good news is that you're in control and can absolutely do something about this because it is your own thoughts that are perpetuating this guilt, and you can challenge and change your thoughts, which will in turn address the emotional pain you are in.

When on the site look for a book called A GUIDE TO RATIONAL LIVING by Albert Ellis. It is a great overview of REBT and you can apply it to any kind of negative or debilitating emotion you are experiencing. Also, on their home-page they invite people to submit questions and you may in fact be chosen to have someone answer your specific question about this.

There are definitely strategies to work with this and relieve yourself from this negative emotion. I would also like to appluad you for asking this question because many people out there don't believe there's any relief from something like guilt so they continue to blame themselves and live with it needlessly.

Best of luck to you and let us know if this is helpful.
Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach,
Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute
http://www.stepinstitute.ca

(This post was edited by yvonne"instep" on Jul 25, 2008, 8:55 PM)