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Does he know her well enough?

aguzy
New User

Post #1 of 2 (2109 views)

Does he know her well enough?

After fighting cancer for 13 years, my mother passed away last July 14, 2004. My parents were happily married for 32 years. My Dad has really grieved the loss of my mom over the last year and still misses her greatly. However, he did meet a very nice lady almost a year to date after my Mom's passing. They have seen each other almost everyday since their initial meeting. Now, after only dating two months, they are engaged and planning to marry in a month. My Dad has said that he would only remarry for love not just because he is lonely. I believe he truly loves this lady. I felt that the engagement was sooner that I thought it would be, but I support his decision. My three sisters who are also grown and married with children of their own feel that he doesn't know her well enough to marry her. None of us had any prior acquaintance with her until my Dad was introduced to her. I see my sisters' point of view but at the same time, I feel my Dad is an adult and can make his own decisions. My Mom's wish was for my Dad to remarry. My Dad has prayed about it and feels this is what God wants for him. My sisters think that if he waited a few months, we could meet her children and be more comfortable with her. I don't see how a couple of months is going to change anything. Why shouldn't he go ahead and start his life with her? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thank you.

yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

Post #2 of 2 (2091 views)

Re: [aguzy] Does he know her well enough? [In reply to]

I tend to agree with you on this one. No one can ever know for sure if they know someone "well enough" or what the appropriate length of time to wait to get married after losing somone is, or how long your engagement should be. These things all vary with the persons involved and the situation. I think the point is, as you've identified, he is an adult and has made a decision, and if you really think he loves this person, then it was probably the right one. I also think the older people get, the shorter the engagements often are and for good reason. Your sisters are concerned because they love their dad as well and just don't want to see him hurt or disappointed. If you and they can support him in his decision, atleast he won't be hurt or disappointed because his family isn't there for him. Let him know that you do want to get to know your new stepmother and her children over the next little while and on into their married life together. The best chance they have of having a happy life together is to have both of their families make an effort to support them in this.

They don't seem to want to wait and there doesn't seem to be anything to suggest that they should except it would make it a little easier on everyone else. You can all begin now to get acquainted with the new family as you are helping them plan their wedding together. Best of luck.
Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach,
Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute
http://www.stepinstitute.ca