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Dating a widower

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Post #1 of 2 (2593 views)

Dating a widower

I need advice! I feel it is important to give a little history about myself before asking for advice. I am a 38 year old female who is emotionally strong and financially stable. My friends and family can not believe I am still single. I have had 2 long term relationships but never felt I should marry either one. At 34 years old after these 2 long term relationships ended I began to date. I dated, dated and dated! I was a one date wonder. I just could not find any one who could come close to what I was looking for. The bottom line was that I wanted a family. At 35 I decided to start my own family. I adopted a baby from Russia. It has been so wonderful. He is such an incredible little boy. He is now 3 years old. I started my one date wonder routine once again. I told my friends that I had a better chance of winning the lottery than meeting "Prince Charming". Then 8 months ago I met Mr. Wonderful!
Mr. Wonderful lost his wife only 6 weeks before we met. He has 2 children 11 and 14 years old (they do not know we are dating)He is very busy with his job and the children. Recently, the conversations on the phone have become shorter and I have not seen him in one month. Is he just confused? The anniversary of his wife's death is in May and Valentine's Day is next week, I feel he is pulling away from me. Although he calls every night he avoids the subject of going on a date or meeting for coffee. He does not express his feelings often. I ask many questions and we talk about his kids and the loss of his wife. I feel torn I want to help and be a part of his life but I feel he may be pulling away. At this point, I have decided to allow him to dictate the phone calls and dating and not to push him, but I am so afraid to loose him. Another question is if we get through this difficult time how do we introduce me to the kids. I have met the kids at cookouts/parties what is the next step and when is the right time to introduce me to the children? I think just keep introducing me slowly as a friend into their lives. Sorry I am attempting to type fast because I can here my 3 year old waking up from a nap and just want to finish. Sorry for the grammar and poor spelling. Thanks Need advice.
I need advice! I feel it is important to give a little history about myself before asking for advice. I am a 38 year old female who is emotionally strong and financially stable. My friends and family can not believe I am still single. I have had 2 long term relationships but never felt I should marry either one. At 34 years old after these 2 long term relationships ended I began to date. I dated, dated and dated! I was a one date wonder. I just could not find any one who could come close to what I was looking for. The bottom line was that I wanted a family. At 35 I decided to start my own family. I adopted a baby from Russia. It has been so wonderful. He is such an incredible little boy. He is now 3 years old. I started my one date wonder routine again. I told my friends that I had a better chance of winning the lottery than meeting "Prince Charming". Then 8 months ago I met Mr Wonderful!
Mr Wonderful lost his wife only 6 weeks before we met. He has 2 children 11 and 14 years old (they do not know we are dating)He is very busy with his job and the children. Recently, the conversations on the phone have become shorter and I have not seen him in one month. Is he just confused? The anniversary of his wife's death is in May and Valentine's Day is next week, I feel he is pulling away from me. Although he calls every night he avoids the subject of going on a date or meeting for coffee. He does not express his feelings often. I ask many questions and we talk about his kids and the loss of his wife. I feel torn I want to help and be a part of his life but I feel he may be pulling away. At this point, I have decided to allow him to dictate the phone calls and dating and not to push him, but I am so afraid to loose him. Another question is if we get through this difficult time how do we introduce me to the kids. I have met the kids at cookouts/parties what is the next step and when is the right time to introduce me to the children? I think just keep introducing me slowly as a friend into their lives. Sorry I am attempting to type fast because I can here my 3 year old waking up from a nap and just want to finish. Sorry for the grammar and poor spelling. Thanks Need advice

(This post was edited by the_admin on Feb 7, 2008, 7:53 PM)

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 2 (2587 views)

Re: [Need advice] Help [In reply to]

I wish we could help but, really, we are not dating counselors. We are specifically speaking to couples about the problems surrounding planning second weddings.

I would urge you to seek some counseling to help with your relationship issues.

Good Luck.
I Do - Take Two Moderator