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Am I marrying this widower too early? please advice

xxx
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Post #1 of 2 (2368 views)

Am I marrying this widower too early? please advice

Hi,

I am a 45 year old divorced woman. I have been divorced for the past 13 years. I was married for only 5 years before that. It was a bad marraige. No kids. It took me about 4 years to completely heal from the divorce and say I am ready to meet somebody again even though it was a bad marraige. Over the years I have met a few men but nothing has actually lead to marraige. In fact even the brief dating was very shortlived. They were nice men but we just did not "click". Last month, I met a widower. His wife died 18 months back. He was very happily married and his wife was an extremely accomplished woman. I have no accomplishments in comparison. No kids. We both seem to have liked each other instantly and have discussed marraige but have not yet decided to marry. He said he needs some time to reflect before actually saying lets go ahead. Is it too soon? The short time we have known each other, I have felt very good in his company but it is never without his wife's memories which is understandable. I also understand that he will always be in love with her and will never forget her. I dont expect him to not love her always and dont expect him to ever forget her. As thrilled as I am with our relationship, I am sometimes worried that is it too soon.. Is he really ready.. Even if I help him heal will he heal to fill my void also as I am filling his void? Please advice

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #2 of 2 (2353 views)

Re: [xxx] Am I marrying this widower too early? please advice [In reply to]

Just take some time getting to know and love each other. It is wonderful that the man you have met will have a second chance at happiness with you - but let the time be right for him too. There is no 'right' answer about timing after a bereavement.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!