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non traditional renewal

ccm
New User

Post #1 of 4 (2924 views)

non traditional renewal

My husband and I are planning to renew our vows on our 12th anniversary (in a few months). When we first married we went to the JP's home with no family members present (it was his 3rd, my 1st marriage). We originally planned to renew our vows on our fifteenth anniversary, but with both our parents somewhat ill, we are afraid one or more of them won't make it until then.

We don't plan to do the traditional thing. We were going to invite 100 closest family and friends to the ceremony and supper and have a dance for everyone who wants to come celebrate later in the evening.

We will, of course, pay for everything ourselves. Our twelve year old daughter will stand on my side along with her 24 year old step sister. On my husband's side will be his two son's 27 and 31 years old respectivly.

We are both scared to announce that we want to do this to our families and friends. We are used to doing things for others and feel guilty for "putting all attention on us" - that's the reason we didn't have a wedding before. We didn't want to impose on anybody. Sounds crazy I know. We just need to know that it is okay and proper for us etiquettly wise. We will ask for no gifts and casual attire so no one needs to put out money for attending.

Thanks

CCM

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 4 (2921 views)

Re: [ccm] non traditional renewal [In reply to]

Having a successful marriage is certainly cause for celebration so go ahead and party! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find just how many people would love to come to your vow renewal and would not feel it an imposition.

Since an invitation is not a request for gifts you won't want to print "no gifts" in an invitation since it would look like you are expecting a gift. This is considered tacky by etiquette standards. This includes enclosing registry cards, asking for money in lieu of gifts or any other presumption that a gift will be given. Many of your guests will want to show their care for you by sending a gift so be prepared for that by spreading the word through family and friends that the guests presence is the present or if they really want to give a gift they should make a donation to your favorite charity.

Plan...have fun...you deserve it!

Read more about renewing wedding vows.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #3 of 4 (2919 views)

Re: [the_admin] non traditional renewal [In reply to]

I agree with everything 'Admin' says. You as a couple, and as a family, have a lot to celebrate and I am sure your friends and family will be only too pleased to be included in your special day.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #4 of 4 (2915 views)

Re: [ccm] non traditional renewal [In reply to]

Dear Non-traditional,

I completely agree. Please do not feel as if you are "doing this to your families and friends," as if you are doing something negative and trying. You are sharing your love and commitment for each other with your family and friends. It is something to celebrate. Party on.

Congratulations!
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com