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Vow Renewal in church with reception

rdeat
New User

Post #1 of 3 (1461 views)

Vow Renewal in church with reception

My husband and I were married by a town clerk in the town hall by ourselves before our daughter was born. My parents promised to throw us our wedding the next year (we wanted to be married on the birth certificate). My parents then never followed through on their offer. My husband and I have been married for just over 2 years now but never had any sort of celebration, no church ceremony, no gifts. We're trying to figure out how to do something but don't know what's appropriate. I was thinking a vow renewal in the church, so we get our ceremony, and then some sort of reception. But, I don't know the etiquette on this, especially since I feel a lot of people will say "what's the point, you're already married." We feel like we were cheated out of one of life's best memories by not getting the celebration of our marriage. I'd love some input - thanks!

(This post was edited by the_admin on Aug 28, 2008, 7:06 PM)

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (1455 views)

Re: [rdeat] Vow Renewal in church with reception [In reply to]

I'm sorry you feel cheated, but you did have an opportunity to have a wedding. The type of wedding you chose was a courthouse ceremony. Although it was not the wedding of your dreams, it was still a wedding since the outcome was a marriage. And, please don't be upset with your parents since hosting a wedding a year later wouldn't have been any better then than it is now, although within the first year you could have hosted a reception. But, that point is moot now anyway.

A vow renewal isn't usually done after two years. Please read our pages on vow renewal ceremonies and etiquette. Nor is a vow renewal like a wedding since there is no bridal party or gifts.

If you are Christian you could have a blessing of the marriage in church but, again, this is not a wedding and not a gift giving event.

This may sound harsh, but sometimes people just have to live with the repercussions of their actions. I applaud you and your husband for marrying and giving your child a complete set of parents and a family, but to host anything appearing like a wedding now will, as you say, just seem silly to your guests.

My advice would be to go ahead and mourn the loss of what you didn't have (quickly) and then move on to celebrate what you DO have. Consider having an anniversary party or vow renewal on a benchmark anniversary and continue to celebrate your happy lives together every day. These are the real gifts of life, not wedding presents, cake, white dresses, etc, which are all fleeting.

God bless all of you.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #3 of 3 (1449 views)

Re: [rdeat] Vow Renewal in church with reception [In reply to]

I couldn't agree more. Also to help understand why a wedding-like vow renewal isn't appropriate would be to read your post. You used the words "husband" and "married", which indicates that you are already married. You know this and so would all of your guests. So, I really couldn't agree more with our Wedding Queen that you celebrate what you have and not plan a potentially embarrassing event.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com