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Tenth annivesary vow renewal, what's appropriate?

angel101798
New User

Post #1 of 4 (2722 views)

Tenth annivesary vow renewal, what's appropriate?

My husband and I were married by a JP after our dd was born. Prior to my pg we had been engaged and were planning our wedding when we canceled all our plans and decided to wait. My parents did not want to wait, they tried to make it a formal wedding, but in truth it was a shotgun wedding where everything that could go wrong did. My dress was fit to frost a cupcake, the DJ's equipment failed, the centerpieces were stuffed in a closet, our wedding cake was never served, and my mother wore black and, well, hit the champagne much too hard. To this day those who were at our wedding still recall what a disaster it was and the many fights and fall outs that followed. We have traveled a rough road and endured physical, financial and emotional upheavels. Things have finally settled and we are more in love and committed to each other now than we were the day we were married and we would like to renew our vows in the church for our tenth anniversary. We would like to have our family and friends present, and have a reception after, but I'm afraid they may find it tacky considering that our wedding was "formal" even if it was horrible. I don't want the whole nine yards, I would just like to have an elegant, private party that focuses on our anniversary and the people who have influenced our lives and marriage. What are the guidelines for something like this? How is the ceremony done? Can our original attendants stand with us again? What is appropriate and inappropriate for a vow renewal reception? Is there a recieving line? Guest book or favors? Any help would be much appreciated, I've searched all over the internet, but this seems to be uncharted territory.

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 4 (2719 views)

Re: [angel101798] Tenth annivesary vow renewal, what's appropriate? [In reply to]

While we wait for our experts to answer please review our page on wedding vow renewals.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #3 of 4 (2715 views)

Re: [angel101798] Tenth annivesary vow renewal, what's appropriate? [In reply to]

Dear Tenth,

Actually there is a lot of information on this site. Many couples are renewing their vows these days for a variety of reasons.

Your ceremony can be much the same as the first, as formal or informal as you wish. You and your husband can wear the same attire and have the same attendants. You would not be escorted by your father, but could be escorted by your children. Personalized vows are quite common and popular.

This is not considered a gift giving event.

Your reception could be much the same as before, without the typical toasts. Of course you would want to skip the garter and bouquet toss. You wouldn't have the traditional receiving line opting for either having one that includes you, your attendant and your children or simply mingling.

Many books include this information also. A good one that is very easy to read is The Bride's Book of Etiquette.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

(This post was edited by the_admin on Apr 23, 2007, 2:42 PM)

RevSusanna
INTERFAITH MINISTER & AUTHOR / Moderator

Post #4 of 4 (2708 views)

Re: [angel101798] Tenth annivesary vow renewal, what's appropriate? [In reply to]

You are right, it is uncharted territory in terms of the internet. That is the beauty of this website! This site should have all the information you need including my article: The Who, When, Where and When of Vow Renewals.

Make the ceremony special. Make it personal. Make it sacred with all the love you can muster. Write your own vows. Include your children. You can write a personal statement of love reflecting upon your time together while looking forward to the future before you recite your vows repeated after your minister. In addition, you can also say a vow to your children renewing your love and devotion as a family. Have your minister speak about your life, your ten years together--in addition to your future. Your children can walk by your side in the processional or ahead of you. You can do a candle lighting including candles representing the entire family. There are loving readings--poetry and verse--- for mature love. Create a photo montage of your years together and display it at the reception.

I just did a 50 vow renewal where they reassembled most of their original bridal party. At the reception they entered through the arch of arms of the original bridal party. The most touching part were speeches made by these old timers! It has us all crying!

There are so many wonderful things you can do! Be creative. Come from the heart.

May your day be blessed, all that you wish, and beyond what you dreamed....

Rev. Susanna

Rev. Susanna Stefanachi Macomb
Reverend Susanna
Joining Hands and Hearts: Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding Celebrations : A Practical Guide for Couples