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blondi
Deleted
Aug 14, 2005, 5:56 PM
Post #1 of 8
(2816 views)
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Got pregnant and married and later want a wedding
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OK, I got married when I was 7 mos pregnant. It was a civil ceremony, with a few family and friends only. My husband and I had been planning an elaborate wedding before I got pregnant and the original plan was to wait until after I had the baby and could wear the dress I picked out, and everything. I decided one day (after a lot of pressure from my mother) that we could just get married at that time and have a reception later. About a week later we were married in the civil ceremony, and then after I had our daughter we had a party. On the night of our party, in late August, I wore maternity jeans and my husbands sweatshirt, there was a keg, and about half the guests did not show up because it was at an outdoor park and there was a tornado warning on that particular evening. Also due to the storm there was no electricity, and the swans that were supposed to be in the lake had been killed by a coyote. I am not making a word of this up. My daughter was just two weeks old, and I spent the majority of the time sitting in the dark nursing her, crying. My husband and I just celebrated our two year anniversery, and I am still looking up wedding gowns online and thinking about cakes. I really want the whole ceremony, the pictures, the memories, everything that comes with a wedding. Am I just being selfish? Should I just accept that I may not have had the dream wedding, but I have a fantasy marriage, and be grateful? We had a registry, and recieved gifts at our party, so I would not expect any, I would just like to put on a nice dress, stand in front of everyone I know, have my husband with me, and celebrate!
(This post was edited by the_admin on Feb 1, 2008, 8:21 PM)
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the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Aug 15, 2005, 9:22 AM
Post #2 of 8
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Dear Blondi:
I am sorry for you troubles however there are times in life when we have to learn to live with the decisions we make and their consequences.
If you'd like to celebrate your marriage you can do so by either having a blessing of your marriage in your church or have a vow renewal ceremony. You may treat the party to follow either of these ceremonies as you would a wedding anniversary but not as a wedding. If you belong to a church and want your ceremony to be a religious event then make an appointment to speak with your church representative and talk this out along with your husband.
Please review our page on wedding vow renewal etiquette for more information.
I Do - Take Two Site Administrator
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lelepooh1
Deleted
Aug 19, 2005, 5:50 PM
Post #3 of 8
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I wasn't pregnant but rather engaged to a man who just joined the military (pre-9/11). He was in Florida for training and I was in Texas. We started to plan a wedding but never got past the idea phase. He realized that military duties may send him away and it would be harder to get married later rather than sooner so we decided to elope. Everyone knew we were getting married and we had a civil ceremony on the beach in Florida. It was just him, me, and the woman that married us. I had a dress I made and he had on his dress uniform. It was nice but we had always planned on having the "real" wedding once things settled down. To make a long story short, here we are 4 years later with a 1 year old and no family wedding. We decided to renew our vows on our 5th anniversary next year. I think you can still have the wedding you want. Just start planning it like you would have had you not had the civil ceremony. I'm looking into advice on how mine might work but I think you should try. Sometimes we make decisions based on what we think is best at the time. You can still have a very sweet and pretty ceremony if you want. Its not selfish. I wouldn't go overboard with it but I think that if its pratical for you than do it.
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the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Aug 19, 2005, 9:28 PM
Post #4 of 8
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Again, what you are both describing is not a wedding but a vow renewal. These are totally different ceremonies. You are already married so you cannot have another wedding but you can have a blessing of your marriage in the church or a vow renewal ceremony followed by a party that could resemble a wedding reception but would have more of the elements of an anniversary party. Things like the garter toss and the first dance as husband and wife don't really apply since you're already married. However, there are many wonderful ways to celebrate your marriage.
Review here:
Wedding Vow Renewal Etiquette
I Do - Take Two Site Administrator
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Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 20, 2005, 3:07 PM
Post #5 of 8
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I completely agree. Etiquette is not meant to confine or to punish you. It is meant to keep you from embarrassing yourself by doing something that is not socially acceptable. It is viewed negatively to create an event that mirrors a wedding ceremony. To plan this as if you are not married is inappropriate. You are married. This doesn't mean that you cannot create a beautiful event. This means that you should do some homework before hand.
Please follow the admin's advice.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com
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blondi
Deleted
Aug 20, 2005, 5:32 PM
Post #6 of 8
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I appreciate all of your advise, and would like to thank you for taking the time to respond to my question. However after consideration,and reading another readers post, I am sure that this is not the kind of website I would like to recieve advise from. Your responses indicated to me that your staff and website have one narrow view of what a wedding can be, and anything outside of that is innapropriate. What advise would you give to someone who was planning a same sex commitment ceramony (or wedding)? I have decided to go ahead with my wedding, complete with dress and cake. I will invite everyone I know and do it the way that I would have done it 2 years ago. My family and friends all know how important it is to me, and all sympathize with the way things turned out the first time. If anyone thinks that my husband and I are innapropriate then they can just stay home!
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blondi
Deleted
Aug 20, 2005, 5:39 PM
Post #7 of 8
(2773 views)
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the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Aug 20, 2005, 5:58 PM
Post #8 of 8
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I'm sorry you view our response as "narrow minded" however we provide advice based on the most modern etiquette of today. If you do not care to know what is proper then I'm confused about why you would ask. Our site focuses on providing accurate and informative advice by experts in the wedding and etiquette fields. We offer offer this advice to those who wish to avoid possible embarrassment. You can choose to call your ceremony and party whatever you want to call it but, like it or not, you are already married and cannot be married again. That is a fact.
I would surely check with your church and ask for their opinon.
I Do - Take Two Site Administrator
(This post was edited by the_admin on Aug 22, 2005, 5:05 PM)
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