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Confused and sad

monical
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Post #1 of 3 (2477 views)

Confused and sad

It seems to be the norm that one thing or another robs a bride of her special day. I have read through many of your posts but am having a hard time with what I am reading.

We are renewing our vows on our five year anniversary. We did not have a big wedding because we had already had a baby and were more interested in being man and wife however we discussed having a renewal ceremony mirroring a wedding ceremony on our fifth anniversary. What confuses me and makes me sad is it seems this sight implies that because I have been married I cannot have the dress, cake, and reception to celebrate our marriage but if we divorced and I was remarrying I could do all of those things?

I will be completely honest this is not about gifts, I am not registering but it is about being the couple celebrated for the day. Unfortunately some insight can only come with age and time. I didn't realize then how important having my friends and family celebrate my marriage was.

I was planning on taking certain elements out. Like the father/daughter dance and the bouquet/garter toss but I still wanted a few attendants and I wanted my father to re-affirm his blessing by walking me to my husband.

Could you please help me understand why these things would be in poor taste? That way I can determine wether or not my friends and family would find it in poor taste.

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (2474 views)

Re: [monical] Confused and sad [In reply to]

No etiquette, and certainly no person on this site, is saying that you cannot have a ceremony celebrating your marriage (vow renewal ceremony or blessing of your marriage) and a wonderful party afterwards. You should just no be trying to have a wedding or make it appear as though you are trying to have a wedding (since you are already married).

The vow renewal ceremony is a bit of a different ceremony than a wedding in that the couple is reaffirming their original wedding vows and the verbiage is different. You have already exchanged these vows with your spouse so now you wil be reaffirming those vows. Regarding your father walking you down the aisle...Since you are already married and living with your husband, your father has already "given you" but he, and other family members, can show their love for the two of you perhaps with a family unity candle ceremony.

The reception to follow can have many, if not most, of the elements of a wedding including a cake (albeit more of an anniversary cake than a wedding cake), beautiful dress to match the formality of your surroundings and time of day. It's best to forgo things like showers, bachelorette parties and garter tosses for vow renewal since you are, after all, already living together as husband and wife.

The difference in the second wedding (where yes, one or both of the couple may be divorced, and, like in my case, widowed) is that the couple is marrying each other for the first time. They have not said these vows to each other before and are not legally married. So, they need to get married. Yes, they can have most of the wedding type events but there are exceptions to what second wedding couples can have too but there really is no comparison.

So...go ahead and celebrate your successful marriage...you have earned that right.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #3 of 3 (2473 views)

Re: [monical] Confused and sad [In reply to]

I completely agree and couldn't have said it better. Please don't be sad. Yours can still be a beautiful event.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com