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Confused about Vow Renewals

aja
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Post #1 of 2 (1483 views)

Confused about Vow Renewals

I've been reading many posts (and have posted a prior question about this) but am still confused about what's ok in my situation. I am legally married, but did not have a first wedding. I understand that the next event we're planning is a vow renewal and not a wedding per se, since we're already married. It sounds like for some people, being walked down the aisle is ok (for the second event) if it wasn't done the first time. Due to medical reasons, my husband and I had a short ceremony at his uncle's house. No engagement party, shower, party, walk down the ailse, decorations bouquet/garter toss or reception, just a basic exchange of vows and signing of the marriage certificate before witnesses. I am wondering why it's improper to have a bouquet at a vow renewal, when I never had one (are there any alternatives?). I don't even have pictures from the fist event. We don't want a HUGE event, really a formal reception. I don't even feel right about having a shower, but maybe a small gathering with the ladies who will help me with the planning? I don't expect gifts, but here's what we do have in mind (because we have never done or had the following):

Walk down the ailse (with anyone), attendants to carry rings (I will have a new one--I will engrave his current one), receiving line, reception, toasts/speech, pictures and dancing. Is there anything wrong with this idea? How about flowers, is it ok to stil have flowers and candles?

Thanks again!

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #2 of 2 (1481 views)

Re: [aja] Confused about Vow Renewals [In reply to]

Dear Married,

It is unfortunate that you did not have a wedding ceremony as you would have wanted. But, you are already married and it just isn't proper to have a wedding. Please read our article concerning vow renewal etiquette.

You may have a bouquet, flowers, and candles just not a bouquet toss. You may walk down the aisle with your husband or the two of you can walk from the sides of the room toward the altar. If you have children they can walk you down the aisle.

You shouldn't have attendants because this is not a wedding. Attendants are witnesses to your wedding. You can have new rings to reaffirm your love for each other, but you and your husband can carry these or the officiate can.

A receiving line really isn't necessary because there is no wedding party. You and your husband would be the only two in it. However, you might want to do a modified receiving line just to thank those guests for attending. If you were having a large party it would be helpful just because some may not know your husband or visa versa.

As I mentioned in my last reply to you, it wouldn't be appropriate to have a shower, because you are already married. You don't need anyone to help you set up a household. You can have a tea with your friends to thank them for everything they have done. This is not a gift giving situation; in fact, none of this is.

Please visit the article for the answers to the rest of your question.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

(This post was edited by the_admin on Jun 27, 2005, 6:12 PM)