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Can my father walk me down the aisle for a vow renewal ceremony?

Tonya
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Post #1 of 3 (1354 views)

Can my father walk me down the aisle for a vow renewal ceremony?

Hello,
I must tell you that your website really cheered me up today. I attended a friend's wedding last night, and ended up crying - not just out of joy at their union, but out of sadness and envy at their ceremony. Reading so many similar stories to my own on this site made me feel so much better. Here's my story:
My husband and I chose (wisely, at the time) to not have a wedding as my family was not supportive of the marriage. We were wed by a unitarian friend on the way to the airport for a honeymoon in England. It was beautiful, but for one big thing: no family. Yes, and now I also regret not having the wedding dress, cake, etc.
We have been happily married now for almost six years, and my family now acknowledges what a good match we are. We have been discussing how nice it would be to renew our vows, this time in front of our families, for our 10th wedding anniversary. I know it won't be a "wedding," but I don't care about that anymore. I really feel that proclaiming our union in the presence of our families would heal something in me.
Your site has given me a lot of insight, but for one thing - I have read different opinions on walking down the isle. You see, the one thing that really hurts is that my Dad never gave me away (and never gave his blessing). It would mean so much, to both of us, to have him walk down the isle with me when my husband and I renew our vows. What is your opinion on this?
Also, I've read here that a white dress is ok for 2nd marriages, but what about for vow renewals? I don't actually care whether my dress is white or not, but would like to know what the proper thing is to do.
Thank you,
Tonya

(This post was edited by the_admin on Jan 9, 2006, 11:13 AM)

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #2 of 3 (1349 views)

Re: [Tonya] 10 year [In reply to]

Dear Tonya,

It is wonderful that you are planning this for a milestone anniversary. Typically, vow renewals are viewed much more positively if held on these dates.

The one thing we try to avoid is to create an event that mirrors a wedding. Plus, we do try to follow logical guidelines. So, to have your father 'give' you away doesn't make sense. However, this is not to say that he and your family cannot be involved in a way that illustrates their support of your marriage.

If you have children, they can walk you down the aisle. Or you could walk in from the sides of the room alone. You could turn toward the guests and thank your parents for their love and support. If they felt comfortable saying something at this time, they could. This would be a way of incorporating both of them in your ceremony.

You can wear any color you wish. A wedding dress would not be a good choice though. Just choose a nice dress in the same formality of the event.

Enjoy!
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #3 of 3 (1346 views)

Re: [Et.byRebecca] 10 year [In reply to]

If you'd like to incorporate your family members into the vow renewal there is a family unity candle ceremony which could be tailored to suit a renewal.

The Unity Candle symbolizes the essence of the renewal ceremony. Two taper candles, representing the couple as individuals, are used to light a single center candle as a visible symbol of their commitment to each other and to symbolize family. The unity candle burns from the lighting of two individual candles. The lighting of a single candle to symbolically represent the renewed commitment of husband and wife has become a popular part of second marriage celebrations.

Holding up the large candle your officiant can say: This candle you are about to light is a candle of marriage. It signifies the light of two people in love. As you and your spouse light the large candle: This candle before you is a candle of Commitment because it takes two people working together to keep it aflame...

Family members can be asked to come to the front. The officiant can say: The candle each of you is holding represents your lives. The flame represents your gifts that you have brought to this family. As the flames become one, let them become a reminder that you are all a part of the foundation for this family and the glue that helps to bind this marriage.

Purchase Family Unity Candles
I Do - Take Two Moderator