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5-year vow renewal?

beckylynn_g
New User

Post #1 of 3 (1876 views)

5-year vow renewal?

My husband and I were in the military when we got married almost 4 years ago and didn't tell our families until afterward that we went to a JP. We rushed into it and I really regretted it almost immediately (going to the JP, not getting married!) but thought it was inappropriate to have a wedding after the fact. Everyone is telling us to do what we feel is right. We now have 2 children and are living in TX near his family (mine lives in the midwest). I now am really confused as to what we should do. I'm worried that it will always bother me if we don't have one with family and pictures to remember it by, I just don't know how we should go about it. It almost seems pointless to have just a reception; I want pictures of a 'real' wedding to show our kids when they are older (and for me!).

I get from other posts that having a second 'real wedding' isn't proper, but we would really like to have a 5-year vow renewal in the format of a wedding ceremony-in a church with the dress, flowers and whole bit. We don't want any showers, bachelor/bachelorette partys and we would even put on the invitations that we don't want gifts. Is this still so inappropriate? If we are not expecting any gifts or financial support from anyone what is the harm? The main thing that bothers me is asking extended family to fly/drive all the way here (about 13 hours), but it would really mean a lot if everyone could celebrate with us.

So is it still so bad to have a second wedding ceremony without asking anything of anyone (with the exception of travel for some)? Please advise, because this has been bothering me for quite some time. I can't even watch a wedding on TV without getting upset. Unsure

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (1869 views)

Re: [beckylynn_g] 5-year vow renewal? [In reply to]

The problem is that you are already married. How can you be married again? To walk down the aisle in a wedding dress as if you were a bride wouldn't be right. You're not a bride - you're a wife. You just cannot get that first exchange of vows back nor can you take pictures of the two of you getting married. That is, unfortunately, a done deal. We all have decisions to make in life. You made yours back then and you were married. There are no do-overs for weddings.

However, you can certainly celebrate the love you have for one another with a vow renewal (or a convalidation, if you;re catholic or a Blessing of the Marriage in other Christian churches). These ceremonies are wonderfully personal and you could even include the children, if you wish. The two of you can exchange some new vows, have a candle lighting ceremony or sand ceremony and celebrate afterwards with dining, dancing, music and cake and take loads of pictures. And, a vow renewal isn't a gift giving event so there's no worries about whether your guests would be confused or thinking you're hosting in order to gain gifts and that means that you won't have to mention gifts on the invitation (FYI - we do not make mention of gifts on a traditional wedding invitation).

Wishing you many, many more happily married years!

Footnote: If anyone is reading this and planning to be married at the JP, I hope you read this story, and many other posts on this forum, and think about your decision and what you might be giving up.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #3 of 3 (1868 views)

Re: [beckylynn_g] 5-year vow renewal? [In reply to]

I completely agree, Becky. Great name, by the way.

The vow renewal isn't a wedding, nor should it appear to be one. So, it is best to read more about it: http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html But, as the administrator states, it can be very special.

Take care.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com