Ask the Experts

Home: Second Weddings: Wedding Etiquette:
fiance's grown children

bubs
New User

Post #1 of 2 (3616 views)

fiance's grown children

My fiance has 3 adult (at least in age, all over 30) children that still look to their father for financial support, among other things. All are more than capable of working and live a lifestyle far beyond their means. One child still lives with him (she is over 30). This woman/child is the problem. She has not accepted our engagement and has a "silent war" going with her father. He prefers to put himself out (and indirectly me) rather than have a confrontation with her. I, however, am ready to lower the boom on this bratty child. It is a 2nd marriage for us both and I do not have children. I am very tempted to tell her where to get off. We have decided to each sell our homes and then build/buy a new one. I am willing to have this child have a place in our home, but I am NOT willing to let her continue to behave like a spoiled brat. Any suggestions on how to deal with her. All 3 kids and I have had an agreeable relationship up until we became engaged.

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #2 of 2 (3602 views)

Re: [bubs] fiance's grown children [In reply to]

I am afraid to say it is not unusual for the atmosphere to change once a wedding is being planned. Although with the ages of these 'children' one would hope that they would be able to cope with this news, and be happy for their dad.

I think you will find it will be easier when you have a new home - it will be a time for you and your new husband to draw the line and to let the 'children' know what you do, and dont, expect from them.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!