Ask the Experts

Home: Second Weddings: Wedding Etiquette:
Unwanted guests at my small wedding

johnna
New User

Post #1 of 3 (1766 views)

Unwanted guests at my small wedding

We are getting married on New Year's Eve at home (ceremony and reception.) Since we have been married before, we are having only the closest of family (meaning not even all our siblings) and our children. 20 people total. The wedding starts at 5 pm. We chose that in case some of our adult nephews want to do their own New Year's Eve thing, they will be free to leave by 9 pm or so. Just this weekend my sister reconnected with a guy she dated for 6 months earlier this year. I have never met him...for that matter, my 13 year-old niece has never met him. But yesterday my sister TOLD me that he would be coming to the wedding with her and my niece, since she wouldn't leave him alone on New Year's Eve.

This wedding was meant to be private and intimate. My finance is furious that we might have to have a stranger in our home for our day. He says it's not like we're having 200 people and he would just blend into the crowd. I'm certainly not crazy about the idea, either. What do I do now? I don't want this guy there...but I'm not willing to risk bad feelings with my sister. Please help!

(This post was edited by the_admin on Dec 19, 2005, 9:03 AM)

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (1759 views)

Re: [johnna] Unwanted guests at my small wedding [In reply to]

Dear Sis,

This is definitely a personal decision that only you can make. But, it is your party and you can invite whom ever you wish. So, don't feel guilty.

Before you make the final decision ask yourself if you want to marry without your sister in attendance. She may not attend without her boyfriend.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

Post #3 of 3 (1756 views)

Re: [johnna] Unwanted guests at my small wedding [In reply to]

I agree, it is truly your choice, especially because you've chosen such a small select group, not even all of your siblings, to be in attendance. It really does come down to being prepared for your sister to choose not to be there, or for her feeling hurt and what that might do to your relationship. If you don't want to run the risk of tarnishing the relationship, or you just really want her to be there, explain to your partner how important this is to you and that if it means inviting the boyfriend, that might be the lesser of the two evils. If you go that route, I would suggest have a small get-together or dinner beforehand with the two of you as well as your sister and her boyfriend so you can break the ice and perhaps get to know him a little bit so that it will be more comfortable at the wedding.

I know that timing wasn't so good on this one but when is timing ever perfect? Treat this situation much the same as you would if the wedding wasn't happening in just a couple of weeks. What kind of effort would you be prepared to make to get to know this person that you're sister is involved in and how would you normally choose to support her in her relationships? It's a time crunch I know, but it would probably mean everything to her for you to make the effort to get to know her new friend. Who knows, maybe you'll all hit it off and you will really want him there after all. Best of Luck!!
Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach,
Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute
http://www.stepinstitute.ca