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Should an ex be invited to my wedding?

blackngold804
New User

Post #1 of 3 (1489 views)

Should an ex be invited to my wedding?

.....My ex and I share two boys and often find ourselves doing activities together (he has a fiancee). We have had dinners out and home together, celebrate birthdays etc. For all intents and purpose our relationship is cordial and friendly. Should my ex and his fiance be invited to my wedding? HELP please, I have mixed feelings!

(This post was edited by the_admin on Jan 10, 2006, 8:29 AM)

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (1485 views)

Re: [blackngold804] Should an ex be invited to my wedding? [In reply to]

Dear Should I?

No matter how cordial the relationship with an ex, it is usually not the best idea to invite him to the wedding. It is typically uncomfortable for the both of you and for those who know you two as a couple. The last time you said the words "I do" it was to him. That is a big reason not to share this time with him.

Don't feel guilty.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

Post #3 of 3 (1483 views)

Re: [blackngold804] Should an ex be invited to my wedding? [In reply to]

I definitely agree. This is the beginning of a life with a new partner and it needs to be completely comfortable for both of you and not be tainted by things from the past. I don't think anyone would expect you to invite him, probably not even him. And not inviting or including your ex doesn't or shouldn't be a slight or show of disrespect towards him - it just doesn't fit to include him in this case.

On the other hand I think it's wonderful that the two of you (and his fiance) have a mutually respectful and easy relationship - you are all to be commended for that. These are the kinds of arrangements that are so good for your kids and are unfortunately so rare in divorded or separated families. Hopefully, you can maintain this positive set of relationships and interactions over time. Perhaps you can just talk with your ex and explain why having him (them) at the wedding doesn't work, would make people uncomfortable,etc., but that in now way do you want this to do damage to the excellent co-parenting arrangement you have together because it is working and is so beneficial to your children. Congrats on achieveing such a mature and beneficial relationship with your ex and on starting an exciting future with your new partner.
Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach,
Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute
http://www.stepinstitute.ca