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Second Wedding Ceremony

rj414
New User

Post #1 of 6 (2266 views)

Second Wedding Ceremony

My grandmother is in a coma and has been in the hospital for nearly 2 months now. I originally planned on getting married in October but ended up getting married last week on April 14th at the local courthouse because my family wanted me to marry while my grandmother is still alive. Only a hand full of our family members were there to witness it. My husband and I have decided to stick with our original plan on having a ceremony and banquet in October of this year but aren't quite sure what the etiquette is for our second ceremony. A lot of my family and friends still don't know that we're married already. My parents have actually told some of their friends that I'm just "engaged" because they don't want their friends to give me a gift now and then feel obligated to give me another gift when we have the second ceremony. What should I do? Should the ceremony be a vow renewal or should I treat it as a regular first time wedding ceremony? Please help.

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 6 (2260 views)

Re: [rj414] Second Wedding Ceremony [In reply to]

Dear Second Ceremony,

It is unfortunate that you had to marry without the ceremony you originally wanted. This would be a vow renewal because you are married. The ceremony can be similar but to appear proper shouldn't mirror a wedding.

Please read more about vow renewal etiquette.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #3 of 6 (2259 views)

Re: [rj414] Second Wedding Ceremony [In reply to]

...or...you could skip the ceremony since you're already married and simply have the reception. However, you'll want to leave out some of the less appropriate aspects of the wedding reception that is reserved for new brides such as the garter and/or bouquet toss.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

(This post was edited by the_admin on Apr 17, 2006, 6:32 PM)

rj414
New User

Post #4 of 6 (2249 views)

Re: [the_admin] Second Wedding Ceremony [In reply to]

I think not having a ceremony isn't an option. Both my husband's and my mother weren't able to attend the civil ceremony along with most of our relatives and all of our friends. Plus, I didn't get a chance to wear my wedding dress and I've already put down deposits for many vendors including the church. Because we're married already, this should be a vow renewal but because most of our guests don't know that we're already married, should we still expect gifts? Keep in mind, my parents have told some guests that we're only engaged, what should I do about that?

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #5 of 6 (2246 views)

Re: [rj414] Second Wedding Ceremony [In reply to]

Honesty is the best policy. Let everyone know that you have already been married by the justice of the peace but that you would like them all to witness the exchange of vows.

So, yes, this would be handled as a vow renewal which is not a gift giving event. However, your friends and family may wish to send a gift anyway. You may accept any gifts and send a thank you note.

Regarding your dress - this dress should not be a wedding dress and should match the formality of your event. And please, no veil.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #6 of 6 (2242 views)

Re: [rj414] Second Wedding Ceremony [In reply to]

I completely agree. And, most likely you will receive gifts because people will realize that you are married and want to celebrate this.

Please do not include registry information in your invitations. Sorry, but I have to say this because so many stores are pushing people to include it.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com