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Renewing Our Vows

starshine
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Post #1 of 2 (2003 views)

Renewing Our Vows

You would think for a learning bridal consultant, I would know the answers to my questions, but I dont.

Heres my situation.

My husband and I have been married for three years now. Next September (the 9th of Sept 2006), we will be renewing our vows for several reasons. First of all, my husband is from England, and we met online, so when we married it was a spur of the moment civil ceremony and then we immediately set off to do the immigration thing. This time, we want a "normal" wedding, with attendants, wedding gown and all the pomp and circumstance. The other reason I would like a renewal with all the pomp is because, although this was my second marriage, my first was also a civil ceremony, and my father has never had the chance to give me away. He is very ill and may not be around for many more years, so its very important that I have this element in my ceremony.Is this acceptable?

Now, Im not too concerned about wording on invitations because I know what I want them to say and I am designing them myself, with the help of my sister-in-law. My concern is, my husbands family is all over in England. He has no family here, and we know alot of them cannot afford to fly over. Should we invite them anyway or not?

We are planning to go over to England after our ceremony here. Should we not invite the oversea crew and just go there and have a huge reception for all of them instead?

Since I never had a bridal shower or anything (for either marriage), is it wrong for me to want one? Same goes with a registry. I never had one, and my husband and I have purchased very little for our apartment together, and we would like a registry. Is this tacky? No one has ever given us a present or money or anything, so its not like we are just greedy.

Now...children...I have my daughter from my first marriage who will be our jr bridesmaid, and our son will be our ring bearer, but my husband has three sons back in England. I feel guilty if I dont invite them, but again, with us going over there afterwards, can we just do the reception or should we re-do the ceremony with my husbands family?

Lots of dynamics...can you see why Im confused?

Need Help! Crazy

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 2 (1838 views)

Re: [starshine] Renewing Our Vows [In reply to]

Dear Renewal,

This is a renewal of your vows, not a wedding, so there is no bridal shower or registry. You are already married, not setting up a household for the first time. Please do not expect gifts. This is considered more of an anniversary party where you also reaffirm your marriage. Sorry.

This also means that your invitation should reflect that you are renewing your vows and that this is not a wedding. You could confuse a lot of people who know that you are married already.

Typically your father would not be walking you down the aisle because this is a renewal. The custom comes from your father handing you to your new husband. Most often your children would walk you down the aisle if you walk down the aisle at all. Because this is important to you, you could have him walk down the aisle with you and you could have some special acknowledgement for him once you reach the alter. The officiant could say something special, instead of 'who gives this woman?'--not acceptable.

Typically you wouldn't have attendants unless you were including the same ones from your wedding. The dress can be formal though. I just don't know how this will look to your guests with all of the attendants. It isn't as if you are walking down memory lane and including all of the same people. Plus, to have a ring bearer is a bit strange. You already have your rings; you made promises to each other with the rings you are wearing now. Typically yours are just blessed at the alter.

Your children can have other roles though, such as doing a reading.

You can invite anyone you wish to this ceremony even your guests from England. Of course you can have a reception once you visit there also.

You may want to read a book on this also. There are many around and most are very good.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

(This post was edited by the_admin on May 31, 2005, 1:27 PM)