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Proper Etiquette

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Post #1 of 3 (7679 views)

Proper Etiquette

I have been reading various posts and while I do agree that when someone is being married a second time, they have every right to have another big bash if they so choose, however, is there some sort of time frame that would be proper?

About 2 years ago my girlfriend got married, big wedding, big reception, the whole real deal. About a year later, she left him for another guy and sold everything they had. I've read places before that if a couple splits up that quickly, it is proper to return the cash gifts and any unused gifts. Now that she's now getting married again, she feels that she's entitled to the whole thing again (it's his 1st marriage). They are overextending themselves in purchasing a house and she's commented that it's ok because at her shower she will get everything she needs. First off I do understand that it's rude to expect gifts, but when you invite people to a bridal shower, isn't that basically asking for a gift? Now if it had been 10 years since the last wedding, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but considering I had spent well over $100 two years ago, am I justified in being upset that she's asking for the same stuff all over again when she never returned anything from her 1st marriage that ended a year ago? Also, if you could provide reference to an etiquette book that directly addresses this stuff, I'd appreciate it. The mother of the bride sees nothing wrong with her demands, in her eyes, this daughter can do no wrong. . .

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (7660 views)

Re: [] Proper Etiquette [In reply to]

While we wait for our wedding etiquette expert to answer your question I would like to direct you to our book store at http://gettingremarried.com/books.html where we have a few books on etiquette. Also, try your local library.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Mannersmith
Deleted

Post #3 of 3 (7659 views)

Re: [the_admin] Proper Etiquette [In reply to]

There are a few issues here. First, you are correct, gifts are not obligations, rather tokens of the guests' esteem and well wishes for the couple. Second, if the couple went through with the ceremony (and the marriage was not annulled within the first week) the gifts are theirs to keep or do with as they please. Third, while there is no standard time, generally, if the first wedding was less than 5 years ago, most guests will give much smaller gift and/or make a donation to a charity in the couple's honor rather than a lavish gift. Since the bride and the mother of the bride both think she "deserves" gifts, there is no point speaking to either of them about this. Rather, as a guest, make your spending decisions appropriately.
Jodi R R Smith, The MannerSmith