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No Bridal Showers!

sasa302003
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Post #1 of 2 (1847 views)

No Bridal Showers!

This is my second and his first marriage. I had a elaborate wedding the first time with everything that comes with it. Showers, Teas, Bachelorette party...you name it! After my fiance and I became engaged, we agreed that a small private ceremony with immediate family on the beach would be ideal. We have agreed to a reception when we return to town, so that all of our friends and family can be a part of the celebration. I have been firm about not wanting any showers. In all actuality there is no need for one. My fiance and I have recently moved in together and are not in need of anything for the house. What I lacked he supplied and the other way around. My future mother in law insists on a shower. I feel that I have successfully convinced my own family and friends that a shower is not necessary, yet this issue keeps arising with her. She insists that her cousins and people she attends church with love us and only want to do something special for us. I explain, that although, I am touched and flattered that they want to do such a thing, especially for a stranger (as I have possibly met one or two of these ladies, and wouldn't know them if they were in front of me.) but I prefer to not have a shower. I explain that our intention is to invite her family (cousins) to the reception, but this doesn't seem to be getting through to her. Am I being selfish in this? Is this something I should back down on?

Another question I have, is this:

Although, no gifts are preferred, I know that some guests will want to give something. Would it be rude to mention in the reception/announcement invitations that in lieu of a gift the bride and groom would prefer a Lowe's/ Home Depot gift card? In all actuality, if there is something that we need for the home, it would be tools/ yard supplies.

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 2 (1840 views)

Re: [sasa302003] No Bridal Showers! [In reply to]

Dear MOG Wants a Shower,

You are not being selfish not wanting a shower, in fact it is very responsible. Showers really are not necessary for most women these days.

One way that you may be able to tone down this plea for a shower is to mention that it is not viewed as appropriate for family to host a shower. It is viewed as self serving--family tries to 'get' as many gifts as possible for family. A shower should be hosted by someone close to you, which rules out her friends from church.

As for the gifts... it is not appropriate to mention gifts in any form on the invitation. This is viewed as presumptuous, as if you are expecting gifts. The best thing to do is to register at Home Depot/Lowe's for the items you want plus a few gift cards in varying amounts.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com