My second wedding, his first

Guide to Second Weddings, Second Marriages and Vow Renewals

Welcome To IDoTakeTwo.com!
Second Wedding Ideas: Planning for Remarriage

Home: Second Weddings: Wedding Etiquette:
My second wedding, his first

mbaker
New User

Feb 15, 2005, 2:15 PM

Post #1 of 4 (3279 views)

My second wedding, his first

My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. My first wedding was lavish and expensive - my father picked up the tab. My boyfriend is very traditional and wants a big wedding, tons of groomsmen, the chicken dance, garter toss...the whole nine yards. I am ademently opposed to all of this. I dream of a very elegant, intimate ceremony with close friends and family - not bridesmaids and by no means do I want to toss a bouquet! Afterall, most of my friends are married and having children! First of all, can I choose to not have bridesmaids and he still have groomsmen? Also, we are both in our 30's and very financially well-off, he still thinks that my father should pick up the tab. That is ridiculous to me seeing as though he makes a whole lot more money than my father. What are ways that we can meet in the middle while respecting each other's wishes? Usually it is the other way around - the bride wants a big 'to-do" and the groom wants something lower key. How can I get him to realize that I don't want to be "one of those women" in a big white poffy dress with 10 bridesmaids trailing behind me?! (I dind't have that at my first wedding, certainly don't want it for my second!_ Thanks!

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Feb 15, 2005, 7:02 PM

Post #2 of 4 (3269 views)

Re: [mbaker] My second wedding, his first [In reply to]

Dear My Second,

One way to perhaps discourage your groom is to remind him that fathers typically do not 'pick up the tab' at his daughter's second wedding. In fact, many couples are paying for their first weddings these days.

There doesn't have to be the same amount of bridesmaids as groomsmen, but it would seem a bit off balance for your groom to have a large number of groomsmen and you none.

I think your salvation, though, is in the fact that daddy doesn't have to pay. Once your fiance realizes how much all of this costs and you two will have to pay for it, he may change his tune.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

RevSusanna
INTERFAITH MINISTER & AUTHOR

Feb 15, 2005, 8:54 PM

Post #3 of 4 (3263 views)

Re: [mbaker] My second wedding, his first [In reply to]

Perfect reply by Rebecca.

If that doesn't work work, my dear, have a heart to heart with your love. There are many ways that you can compromise...not so small...not so big....

And that sounds like marriage!

Blessings!

Rev. Susanna Stefanachi Macomb
Reverend Susanna
Joining Hands and Hearts: Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding Celebrations : A Practical Guide for Couples

BrideintheFall
New User

Mar 24, 2005, 4:50 PM

Post #4 of 4 (3076 views)

Re: [mbaker] My second wedding, his first [In reply to]

This will be my third marriage (second actual wedding) and his first. I was never able to have the wedding that I wanted before so we are going to do it now. The only problem is that we are paying for it ourselves this time and according to remarriage etiquette you aren't supposed to do certain things at your second or third wedding that you might have done at your first. He also wants the traditional wedding and I don't really feel comfortable in a big fluffy dress and veil with a ton of people watching. So, in order to keep everyone, including ourselves happy, we have decided to have a small family and close friend wedding and then have a big party/reception and we will invite all of the people that we didn't invite to the wedding. They are very understanding when you tell them that the wedding is just for family. It seemed to us like a good compromise! BTW, I am wearing a lace dress, it is more slim and elegant than the tulle and satin on most wedding dresses. I am having my Bridesmaids wear black below the knee dresses and we are only using red roses and candles to decorate. Very simple but elegant. It is very classic to keep him happy but more simple to keep me happy as well. Good luck!

(This post was edited by the_admin on Mar 24, 2005, 5:05 PM)