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My First and Only, Not His

tlm
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Post #1 of 2 (2635 views)

My First and Only, Not His

My fiance and I are planning our wedding. I am 26, he is 42. He has been married twice before (second was a rebound mistake). I want to have a large, formal wedding. Also, I don't know anything about his first two weddings, and don't really want to know, but I'd like to know that I'm not duplicating anything, as we will be inviting some of his friends who were probably at one or both of the previous two. Any thoughts?

Also, his daughter from his first marriage is very close to her mom and has indicated that she would like her mother to attend. I find this completely unacceptable. How can I make this clear to her and let her know her mother is NOT allowed to attend, before she extends an official invitation? This is the only wedding I plan to have, and I can't think of many things worse than having my groom's ex there.

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Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 2 (2628 views)

Re: [tlm] My First and Only, Not His [In reply to]

Dear My First,

Please do not worry about duplications. This is your wedding not just a wedding, so make it yours. Just be yourself and enjoy your celebration. I would talk to your fiance about this though. He may have some ideas of his own.

As for your husbands ex... this is unfortunate. Your fiance's daughter cannot "officially" invite her, but this could become a big problem if not dealt with firmly. Your fiance should be the person to tell his daughter "no". I can understand the daughter wanting to have all of you as one big family, but if this was to happen, it takes time. And, is not usually begun at the wedding of an ex.

Talk to your fiance about all of this. These are things you two should be working through together. After all, as you say, you only want to get married once. So, you plan on living with him for a very long time. Time to talk.

Congratulations!

Sincerely,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com