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Mothers and second marriages

lisinbc
New User

Post #1 of 3 (3888 views)

Mothers and second marriages

I am hoping you can help me. I am getting married to a wonderful man in a couple of months. This is a second marriage for both of us, and there are four children involved between us. My parents have offered to help us out with some money towards the wedding. My problem is this. For my first wedding, my parents paid for the whole thing, and therefore (because I was not in the same city for most of the time), my mother also planned most of my wedding with very minimal input from me. I really want this wedding to be about our new family, intimate and personal. I appreciate that my parents have given us money, and they would be offended if I returned it, but I want to do the planning for this wedding. My mother can be a very controlling person and will very freely express her opinion and try to do things if I give her too much information. Do I have to include my mother in my planning other than updating her from time to time? Do we have to acknowledge our mothers as much as you do in a ceremony in a first wedding?

Help!

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (3815 views)

Re: [lisinbc] Mothers and second marriages [In reply to]

Dear Mothers and Second Marriages,

It is your wedding. It is your decision what role your mother will play this time around. Don't feel pressured to give in, simply let your mother know that you want a ceremony that reflects your taste and symbolically joins the two families.

Congratulations!
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

(This post was edited by the_admin on Apr 4, 2004, 8:04 PM)

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #3 of 3 (3808 views)

Re: [lisinbc] Mothers and second marriages [In reply to]

See if there isn't something, any little task that you could consider giving to your Mother to help her feel like she has a part, without really letting her make any of the decisions that are most important to you. If you go ahead and say, "Mom, would you mind doing such and such", she'll feel included and you'll still have your way. Go through your to-do list and see if there is a task you wouldn't mind letting your mom do. If you have a decision to make, say you have two invitations you like equally, ask your mom which she prefers and go with that. Just try to make her a PART of the planing without lsetting her DO the planning. Of course, you COULD always have a heart to heart with her if you think she'd be open to discussion. Wink

I Do - Take Two Moderator

(This post was edited by the_admin on Apr 4, 2004, 8:11 PM)