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Inviting exes to second wedding

lavignema
New User

Post #1 of 3 (809 views)

Inviting exes to second wedding

Hello,

My fiance and I are wondering the best possible way to handle wedding invitations for our exes. His ex-wife is remarried to his brother. (Yes, we realize that is strange and no we are not on friendly terms; however, the situation is amicable and drama-free for the kids. My fiance and his ex are committed to being good parents. ) I am still close to my ex-mother in law because she is a terrific grandma and a second mother to me. My ex-husband and I are amicable toward each other but we don't speak on a regular basis as he has had some difficulties and has been in treatment off and on.

The kids seem excited about our engagement and it seems like we should have some family celebration to help with the transition. We don't plan on a big "to do" but definitely something small that includes family.

So my question is, how do you exclude your brother and your ex-mother in law from your wedding without hurting their feelings or do you suck it up and invite them and the exes?

(This post was edited by the_admin on Jan 5, 2009, 12:15 PM)

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (806 views)

Re: [lavignema] Who to invite [In reply to]

Dear Lavignema,

Exes and the family members of exes are not usually invited, so that shouldn't be a problem. But, siblings usually are invited. Because you have a relationship with her, it may be best to have a private discussion with your ex mother-in-law about why you are not inviting her. You could tell her that you thought it would be a bit confusing for some and awkward for you and her.

Your fiance could speak to his ex or his brother about why they are not invited. The reason is simple. He is married to his ex and to invite her may be confusing to some and awkward to many and he can't invite one without the other.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

(This post was edited by the_admin on Jan 5, 2009, 12:15 PM)

Partner4Success
SOCIAL WORKER

Post #3 of 3 (794 views)

Re: [lavignema] Inviting exes to second wedding [In reply to]

Thanks for your question.

I'd encourage you to look at your wedding as your celebration. Who do you WANT there vs. who do you feel you SHOULD invite. If you and your fiance can narrow this list down, both of you should be real clear as to what you want to do.

For those you decide not to invite, the next step is to decide if you need to give them an explanation. I think it's great that you're so focused on keeping things amicable for the kids and that should continue to be a priority in this scenario.

I wish you and your fiance every success!
Alyssa Johnson - Clinical social worker.
Remarriage Success E-Book