First wedding for him, second wedding for me....

Guide to Second Weddings, Second Marriages and Vow Renewals

Welcome To IDoTakeTwo.com!
Second Wedding Ideas: Planning for Remarriage

Home: Second Weddings: Wedding Etiquette:
First wedding for him, second wedding for me....

thkchk77
New User

Jan 21, 2008, 5:07 PM

Post #1 of 2 (846 views)

First wedding for him, second wedding for me....

I'm new here, so I hope I am doing this correctly. I need some advice/opinions please. I read in an earlier thread that it is no longer required or expected of parents to pay for the daughter's wedding. That leads me to my question....

I was married at 19 (thought I was wise and could just survive on love! ...got the most wonderful gift, my daughter, out of those choices though) and 6 years later, I was divorced. That "wedding", if you want to call it that (a small group gathering at the front of a church, no music, no ceremony, just us and a few friends and family to watch, with a total cost of about $200 to include my outfit, cake, rose, and tip for the preacher) was not the fantasy wedding I had dreamed of for sure. I had a new outfit, not a dress, and a cake from the grocery store, which was what my parents could do at the time and on the time scale we were working with (no, I was not pregnant or anything....just in a rush to get out of the house and be grown. lol.)

Now, having explained that, let me explain that I have two much younger siblings (one younger brother and one younger sister who will, undoubtedly have fabulous weddings b/c they've never wanted for anything. When I got married, they were 6 and 8 and my parents were in a different financial situation than they are now. They are now both retired, and both work full time as well to live their quite comfortable lifestyle and put both of my siblings through college without requiring them to have jobs (which was not something available to me back in the day...the college at all much less college without a job) *sorry, I try, but somehow bitterness shows*

Having said that, what rights to I have to ask or expect any type of assistance in my second wedding to my soon to be fiance' who they love and adore. I am now 32 and wiser! I would like somewhat of the pretty ceremony and things that I missed out on the first time; but, I know that we cannot do it ourselves. When I've lightheartedly mentioned it in the past, previous to my current relationship getting to the level of engagement, my Mother jokingly said, "but, we've already paid for a wedding." I jokingly (but, not so jokingly) told her "Well, here, let me give ya back that $200 and we'll try it again." lol

Cool

Thanks for any responses!

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Jan 22, 2008, 10:09 AM

Post #2 of 2 (843 views)

Re: [thkchk77] First wedding for him, second wedding for me.... [In reply to]

Dear thkchk77,

Your parents would not be financially responsible for your first, let alone your second wedding. It doesn't matter how well off they are or how your siblings were treated. That isn't part of the equation. You are grown and out of the house. This is your second wedding. You should be responsible for your own debts and expenses.

If you two cannot afford the wedding of your dreams, then it is best to wait and save the money you will need. That is what all of us do.

It isn't polite or fair to try to guilt your mother into paying for something she isn't obligated to pay for.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com