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Ex wives invited to the wedding?

gymlady
Novice

Post #1 of 5 (5376 views)

Ex wives invited to the wedding?

Is it ever appropriate to invite your FH's ex wife to your wedding? FH and I have been talking about letting go of any anger and resentment toward his ex and just concentrate on doing the right thing for his son. I'd love for my future in laws to let go of their animosity, but FH has assured me that if we stick up for happiness this will happen over time. FH's ex-wife's sister just got engaged and SS is thrilled (he loves going to weddings) and the child invited my FH and I to the wedding! I told FH I'm not sure if it's appropriate or if I'm comfortable inviting his ex-wife to OUR wedding (she's joked about coming in the past), and not for nothing, we may not have the money to have a lot of people so to invite her and maybe take someone else off the list bothers me a bit. Also, all of FH's friends and family HATE his ex wife. I don't want the focus of the day to be on her presence rather than on celebrating the love that FH and I have. On the other hand, I posted earlier about concerns about who will supervise SS at the wedding since his only parent would be FH and he's going to be very in demand that day and cannot ensure that SS isn't running out of the reception hall, which he's been known to do at other events we've taken him too (scary). Is this completely inappropriate? I think SS would be overjoyed to see his parent's and step parents (the ex has a boyfriend) getting along... but is this actually going to be confusing to him? I have a great relationship with SS and he cannot wait for me to "join his family" as he has told me, but I don't want to confuse him. Also, he never saw his parent's living together - FH moved out when SS was 5 months old. Any thoughts?

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 5 (5370 views)

Re: [gymlady] Ex wives invited to the wedding? [In reply to]

Dear Ex,

Actually it is never a good idea to invite exes to the wedding. Even good friends can feel awkward around the ex. After all this is an event to wed the two of you. It is confusing to some to have a woman in attendance to whom your fiance once said the same words.

As for your step-son, this is a good time for him to learn that there are moments where he needs to act appropriately. This is the teacher in me speaking. But this is something we all need to learn at one time or another, and this is the perfect time.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

gymlady
Novice

Post #3 of 5 (5366 views)

Re: [Et.byRebecca] Ex wives invited to the wedding? [In reply to]

Thank you for that, but how do I approach this with my FH? I said something about not feeling very comfortable with the idea and he said "well, we have time to think about it, I'm not saying we have to do it." I have a feeling his son's excitement outways any sense of reason (there's a lot of guilt involved). I too feel that if she were there it would take away from the reason for the wedding b/c she'd be the "talk of the wedding". I don't want that, but also, what do we do about the fact that SS invited us to the ex's sister's wedding? Should we go and if we shouldn't... how do I explain this to FH without him getting upset? He'll want to do whatever will make the child happy and the boy was so excited when he called to invite us. HELP!

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #4 of 5 (5364 views)

Re: [gymlady] Ex wives invited to the wedding? [In reply to]

You could suggest that you fiance asks one of us about the ex so we could tell him. That would take you right out of the picture.

As for the other wedding. Only the ex sister can invite you. So, if you get an invitation from her, you are invited. If not, you are not invited. If you eventually receive the invitation, it would be best not to attend only because you will feel awkward.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

Deacon Bob
INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON

Post #5 of 5 (5363 views)

Re: [Et.byRebecca] Ex wives invited to the wedding? [In reply to]

I hope this helps. When my ex got remarried my daughter's suggested with both of us and her soon to be husband there that I officiate the ceremony. First, I made a little joke about it might be more appropriate for me to give her away just to break the tension. Then I got down to my daughter's level and explained that it would probably make others feel uncomfortable and that it was her mom's new beginning and special day and it while I wished them the very best that it would be best if I was not there. Everything worked out fine. I am not sure if your FH ex would be willing to have such a conversation with future SS but I do agree it is not a good idea. I have been to weddings where members of the ex's family had been invited to various reasons but never where the ex was there. Best of luck to you. Bob
Deacon Bob Tousey
Independant catholic Deacon