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Bridal Shower or Couples Tea??

shay1067
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Post #1 of 2 (4046 views)

Bridal Shower or Couples Tea??

My mom and sisterinlaws want to throw me a bridal shower type of get together but they want to include my fiance so that my old friends from my old church (before I moved to a new town) can meet my fiance. Plus, they want to do the get together in a way where gifts are not required unless people want to bring them. Hence, we have a honeymoon registry. Is it proper to forgo the Bridal Shower and instead, have a Bridal Couple Luncheon or Tea? Please let me know. Thank you.

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 2 (4040 views)

Re: [shay1067] Bridal Shower or Couples Tea?? [In reply to]

Dear Bridal Shower,

A bridal shower is never a requirement, just a nice little party with gifts. So, it is your choice to have one or not. However, there are a few points of etiquette to consider here. Traditionally, a shower is not given by family members because it is viewed as self-serving. There are exceptions, like when the bride is from out of town and doesn't know anyone--family steps in (mostly to introduce her). Or, when her sister is a bridesmaid, she will may co-host. And, in some cultures it is very common. But, for the rest of us... it is usually looked down upon.

Even though it is looked down upon in most cultures, you will notice more and more mothers and sisters hosting showers. So, you will have to decide if you wish to follow what has been considered traditionally correct or if your circumstances dictate family members hosting a shower for you.

Now the Bridal Couple Luncheon or Tea would be a wonderful idea as long as all those invited are also invited to your wedding. The same would be true for an engagement party, which also serves the purpose of introducing your fiance to your friends and family.

If you want to just have a 'get together' to introduce your intended to everyone you know before you leave town, you could just have a party. As long as the emphasis is on having a 'party' and not that you are getting married, i.e. gift giving, you should be fine with the etiquette police. And, that sounds like what your mom had in mind--just no mention of shower, bridal, or whatever, unless all is invited to the wedding.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com