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Bad First Wedding Want a Large Second

FoxyLadyOAK
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Post #1 of 4 (4000 views)

Bad First Wedding Want a Large Second

We were on a rushed timetable to get married and planned to have a small first wedding and a large second. My mom took over and the first ended up being pretty big (about 95 guests). The only problem was everything was terrible! From the flowers to the minister, nothing went even remotely the way we planned it. Almost all of the service providers did what they wanted and not what they were asked to do. I nearly cried walking down my aisle. Is it appropriate to redo the whole thing - big and bold all over again?

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT / Moderator

Post #2 of 4 (3997 views)

Re: [FoxyLadyOAK] Bad First Wedding Want a Large Second [In reply to]

Dear Bad First Wedding,

Yes, you may. What you are talking about is a reaffirmation and is slightly different than a first wedding. You should not wear a veil, it is a symbol of youth and innocence. Please do not expect gifts, although some people may wish to give. The vows should reflect your 'renewal' of your love and commitment toward each other.

Because your first wedding was not small, some of your guests may not be as receptive as they normally would, especially if your first was recent. So, please be apprised of this.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com

Mannersmith
Deleted

Post #3 of 4 (3995 views)

Re: [FoxyLadyOAK] Bad First Wedding Want a Large Second [In reply to]

Dear Rushed Bride,

This is a tough question. I suggest you wait until your 5th wedding
anniversary to have another celebration. With almost 100 guests at the
first, how could you explain the reasons for the second event. While you
saw all of the mistakes, all the guests saw was you. It will diminish their
participation in your wedding by calling a "redo."

Additionally, the difference between tragedy and comedy is time. While the
wedding may have been a disaster in your eyes, you are married and your
friends and family did attend to support you. It may not be funny yet, but
over time, you will find humor in the mistakes of the day.

I hope this helps,
Jodi R R Smith, The MannerSmith

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #4 of 4 (3991 views)

Re: [Et.byRebecca] Bad First Wedding Want a Large Second [In reply to]

I think your friends and family would be confused if you did it all over again - because you can be sure they all celebrated your wedding and would not have noticed the details that upset you.

why not wait until you can celebrate a marriage 'milestone' such as your 5th wedding anniversary and renew your vows and have the celebration you dream of.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!