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3rd marriage for me 1st for him

Thundermist
New User

Post #1 of 3 (1793 views)

3rd marriage for me 1st for him

I have been married twice (even though I only count the 2nd) the first one lasted 6 months! But I think my boyfriend is going to propose soon. He is acting funny and asking odd questions. And I am getting very nervous. I never thought I wanted to get married again and I still don't but I love and want to be with him and have children so I will marry him when he asks. I think I am more uptight about having a wedding. I don't want to walk down an aisle, wear a dress, and all that stuff. I would prefer to go to an island and have a party after. But he has never had a wedding before. I will let him do whatever he wants but the thought of a formal ceremony makes me sick. How should this be handled?

(This post was edited by Thundermist on Nov 2, 2007, 3:12 PM)

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (1787 views)

Re: [Thundermist] 3rd marriage for me 1st for him [In reply to]

This is a very personal decision, one that should be made after the two of you discuss it. I would suggest waiting until he brings the subject up. This is a wedding for both of you so you should both be able to come to a conclusion that's right for you as a couple.

However, what has me concerned is that you are saying that you're still unsure if you even want to get married again.

You should probably get some individual and couples counseling well before this next marriage so you aren't just repeating history.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor

Post #3 of 3 (1769 views)

Re: [Thundermist] 3rd marriage for me 1st for him [In reply to]

I would agree with the advice given. I know this is hard to talk about with your boyfriend who you care about and said you love. You don't want to hurt him and yet it seems that it's not him you're nervous about being with, it's the thought of getting married again and the cermony and all of that that is disturbing to you. If the time comes and he asks you I would suggest being honest with him like you have been here. You want to be with him but you have some difficulties with the formal wedding piece. You can even say you would be interested in working through this in either individual or couple counselling to see what lies at the root of this. Perhaps working through this will enable you to move on and take a very important next step in your life. Or together you can find a compromise that suits both of you.

But first finding out what the fear and nervousness is about before making this commitment, is the best and most fair thing to do for all of you. I know you're thinking of your kids right now and all that this relationship could offer them and that may be very true. But taking a step before that and taking the time to talk things through, perhaps get some professional help to work through the issues, will be an investment that you make as much for your kids as for yourself. You want to enter this new relationship (with or without a wedding ceremony ) with confidence and the best chances of succeeding at it that you can have.

Best of Luck!!
Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach,
Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute
http://www.stepinstitute.ca