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Minister was a fraud - we want a new wedding

cristelone
New User

Post #1 of 3 (1308 views)

Minister was a fraud - we want a new wedding

My husband and I have been legally married for 16 years. The man who married us was a friend of my husband and the minister of our church. We have found that he was a total fraud in our eyes and the eyes of our family, friends, community and probably our Lord for reasons that have been handled through the legal system. So, can we have a new ceremony? Would it be out of line for me to want a total redo of everything? I want a new wedding and do not want to look back at what was supposed to be the most beautiful day of my life and see the monster. I do not feel as if this man had the right to bless my marriage or any part of this day. We are sick to death over the precarious situation we find ourselves in, the courts are telling us that our marriage is"legal" but even one of our local judges has said it is not properly blessed. We are devastated over this and are seeking answers from our church and they are willing to do whatever we ask, but as for ettiquette, they aren't really any help.

(This post was edited by the_admin on Aug 5, 2008, 9:05 AM)

startingover
MARRIAGE PREPARATION ADVISORS

Post #2 of 3 (1298 views)

Re: [cristelone] Minister was a fraud - we want a new wedding [In reply to]

We agree that it must feel devastating to find out your minister has secret sins, but it doesn't change the fact that you are legally married as long as he was legitimately a minister. Ultimately, it is God who blesses your marriage, not the minister.

You may choose to do a vow renewal in the presence of another minister but there is no guarantee that secret sins won't still exist. As a vow renewal, it would not be appropriate to stage an all-out wedding, complete with gown and bridesmaids.

It seems you are having a problem forgiving your minister for his monstrous behavior and are insisting on a new wedding in order to expose his sin. We all have sinned and are in need of forgiveness. It may help to remember that each one of us will stand before God some day and give an account of our lives.

Forgiveness means only that you are giving up your right to get even and handing that responsibility over to God to take care of in His time and in His way. We can forgive others as God forgives us---not because we deserve it but because His Son has paid the price for that forgiveness.

May God guide and comfort you as you make future decisions.
Kay and Dennis Flowers
Authors of
Catholic Annulment, Spiritual Healing

(This post was edited by the_admin on Aug 5, 2008, 11:52 AM)

Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

Post #3 of 3 (1297 views)

Re: [cristelone] Minister was a fraud - we want a new wedding [In reply to]

I agree that you are married legally and therefore shouldn't host a wedding for yourselves. A vow renewal isn't a wedding, no matter the circumstances for the ceremony. If you want to have your marriage blessed for your own peace of mind, it should be a small family affair, with no elements of a wedding.

I empathize with you and can only imagine how horrible all of you feel. But, it may be best to focus on your marriage and relationship with each other than on that one day or him. He really doesn't have anything to do with your relationship with your husband or family.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette Consultant
Etiquette Now
http://www.etiquettenow.com