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shay1067
Novice
Nov 11, 2004, 2:03 PM
Post #1 of 10
(7910 views)
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Honeymoon Registry
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I wanted to ask a question about the new thing that I am hearing about - The Honeymoon Registry. My fiance and I have decided that we did not want to "register" at any stores for our wedding because we both came into our engagement already established with most everything we want. We have even recently bought new bedroom and living room furniture. The few things we would like, we want to purchase them ourselves so we get want we want. So, in turn, we figured we would just put something on the invitation saying "no gifts required".
After reading your advice to other people, I see that putting "no gifts required" on the invitation is tacky. OK, so advice will be taken.
Now, my fiance and I just booked our honeymoon cruise and we were given these cards and letters to give out to our guests to let them know about our Honeymoon Registry. This really sounds like a good idea and I do believe our guests would think it neat as well. My mother wants us to do a mailing of Save The Date cards (even though I did a bunch through e-mail about 2 months ago) again to all of our guests after the holidays, like in mid January. She wants to put the Honeymoon Registry letters/cards in these Save the Date cards to inform people of the registry. I still feel that it is like telling people that we automatically are asking our guests to give something. In fact, my future mother-in-law asked us not to give these letters/cards out to her friends because she does not want to be embarassed. My bestfriend (Maid-of-Honor) also suggested putting them in the Bridal Shower invitations. I am just not sure.
So my question is, should we do the Save the Date thing like my mother suggests or should we just hold off and give them to people who ask, like you have suggested to other people? Again, I do not want people to feel they are obligated. Please advise.
Thanks
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the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Nov 11, 2004, 4:10 PM
Post #2 of 10
(7907 views)
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Please let your mother know that, as per Emily Post, bride's should not include registry information with their save the date cards, wedding invitations or wedding announcements since this implies that the emphasis is on the gift giving rather than the guests' attendance at the wedding.
The exception to this rule is the bridal shower invitation since this is considered a gift giving event and the bride is not sending out these invitations for herself. If someone (not a family member) has offered to host a shower in your honor you may provide her with the registry information.
Please get the word out to your family and have them tell any guests who ask about your gift preference.
You may set up a personal wedding website and include your gift registry there but again, do not include this website address with your invitations. Get the word out through family and friends.
Have a great wedding and honeymoon!
I Do - Take Two Site Administrator
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shay1067
Novice
Nov 11, 2004, 8:17 PM
Post #3 of 10
(7900 views)
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Thank you very much for your advice. This really clears up things. I will let my mother know. Thank you again.
P.S. I really like this website and this forum. It really helps when you have these kind of questions. I really appreciate your insight. Thank you again.
Sharon
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the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Nov 12, 2004, 6:11 AM
Post #4 of 10
(7899 views)
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Dear Sharon:
So glad we can be of service.
If you have wedding questions that are related to first time weddings please see our sister site's forum that provides Wedding Etiquette Help.
Regards,
I Do - Take Two Site Administrator
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shay1067
Novice
Nov 12, 2004, 9:20 AM
Post #5 of 10
(7895 views)
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Thank you for your response. My questions are in regards to a second wedding but I appreciate the link. Thank you.
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the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Nov 12, 2004, 9:34 AM
Post #6 of 10
(7893 views)
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 Thanks, I wasn't sure since you didn't give any details of the actual marriage.
I Do - Take Two Site Administrator
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shay1067
Novice
Nov 12, 2004, 10:17 AM
Post #7 of 10
(7892 views)
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Oops...yes it is a second wedding. My fiance was divorced in October of 2002 from a 14 year marriage - he has a daughter that is now 15 and a son that is 11. They both live with their mom. I was married only a short time (2 1/2 years) and was divorced in 2000. My fiance and I met online as friends right before his divorce in August. We decided to start dating officially after his divorce was final. We have been together ever since and became engaged in July of this year. His 11 year old son is the Best Man (although I have my second thoughts on this because I think he is too young and he does not really like me that much - I have been told that he feels that I am taking his father away from him. My fiance knows about this and he has been talking to his son. My fiance's ex-wife has been talking to his son as well and guarantees us everything is fine -- OK, enough trailing on - Sorry) and his daughter is one of my bridesmaids. We are having a medium size wedding with about 75 to 100 guests at our church. I am wearing a somewhat informal white gown with a very short veil just to cover the back of my head (it is not going over my face). The reception is also at the church. We are departing on a cruise to Mexico the day after.
Anyway, I know I did not have to tell you all this but I thought I would clear things up. Thank you again for your advice and thank you for this column. 
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emily4families
Novice
Nov 12, 2004, 9:50 PM
Post #8 of 10
(7883 views)
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Since you chose to share that tangent about your reservations regarding your stepson being the best man in the wedding, I thought I might offer some support to you.
There's a great strategy you can use that can be very helpful when you have a stepchild that appears not to like you. It is called "as-ising" -- where you speak what "is" in front of you. In other words, take the time to connect with this young man yourself and let him know you know that you're not his favorite person right now, and you're wondering if he is concerned that you're becoming his stepmom means that you're going to be taking their dad away from him.
Connect with him heart to heart and let him know that he doesn't need to be concerned, that you are commiting not just to his father, but to him and his sister as well. And, let him know that if he does feel like you're taking his dad away, that he needs to let you know when it's happening, so that you can understand and also make sure he's included too. Then, let him know how honored you are to have him as the best man, and that, next to his dad, he is the "best other man" in your life.
I hope that helps.
Emily Bouchard, MSSW
Life Coach, Speaker, & Trainer
Author, "Conquering Conflict: Techniques and Strategies for Resolving Blended Family Conflict"
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shay1067
Novice
Nov 13, 2004, 8:12 AM
Post #9 of 10
(7873 views)
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Thank you, Emily!
I appreciate you advice. It all sounds great and I am working on it. I think the thing that is hard for me is I do not have kids and at 37, I have not had the chance to experience having and raising a child of my own. My fiance and I have talked in great detail and in fact have talked about trying to have a child but we both feel that we are too old. Yes, I know the old saying, I am not old. But well honestly, I think we both want other things in life right now....like traveling to faraway countries, etc.
Anyway, the one thing that is really hard for me is that my fiance's son acts so babyish for an 11 year old. When he does not get his way, he mopes and gives everyone these puppy eyes until he gets attention. I see this and it really frustrates me because I know it is all an act. I have a nephew that is 11 and he does not act that way at all. In fact, a few weekends ago, I got into it with my fiance's son in the car. My fiance, myself, his son and daughter had just come from a friend's sons soccer game and we were going to find a ice cream place for a treat. My fiance's son was really excited about this but wanted to go to a certain place but my fiance and I said that with traffic and the time, we could not make it there. Hence, the moping started. When we found a place that was convenient and had good icecream that was not out of our way, we decided to pull in. All of a sudden, his son said in a "huff", I don't want any ice cream. OK, I got a little angry and turned around to him and said, "Fine, be the brat you are." He in turn said that I was not allowed to call him a brat. I told him I could call him a brat if I wanted to. My fiance then said that he was acting like a brat. His son at the same time said that only his father and mother could call him names. Well, that made my fiance quite angry and some yelling developed. Long story short, the three of us got icecream and his son just sat and moped. It was quite tense there and all the way home.
To finalize, it started a series of conversations between my fiance and his ex-wife where it all ended that I am the bad person which totally through me for a loop. Now, I am very uncomfortable around his son. My fiance has even made the comment that he is getting tired of his son's attitude and he is questioning the bestman thing, too. It is all very frustrating. My fiance and I truly think he needs counseling but, unfortunately, that will not happen because his ex-wife says that Evan is acting normal for an 11 year old. I tend to differ a different opinion.
As for the "connecting with him". Well, sigh, I am not sure I can or want to. I just do not know. I am hoping that time will tell.
Sorry, I rambled. This sight is for wedding questions not my qualms with my fiance's son. Sorry, again. Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it.
Since you chose to share that tangent about your reservations regarding your stepson being the best man in the wedding, I thought I might offer some support to you.
There's a great strategy you can use that can be very helpful when you have a stepchild that appears not to like you. It is called "as-ising" -- where you speak what "is" in front of you. In other words, take the time to connect with this young man yourself and let him know you know that you're not his favorite person right now, and you're wondering if he is concerned that you're becoming his stepmom means that you're going to be taking their dad away from him.
Connect with him heart to heart and let him know that he doesn't need to be concerned, that you are commiting not just to his father, but to him and his sister as well. And, let him know that if he does feel like you're taking his dad away, that he needs to let you know when it's happening, so that you can understand and also make sure he's included too. Then, let him know how honored you are to have him as the best man, and that, next to his dad, he is the "best other man" in your life.
I hope that helps.
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Mannersmith
Deleted
Nov 26, 2004, 11:53 AM
Post #10 of 10
(7676 views)
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Dear Bride,
Registering for your honeymoon is a great idea. BUT please do not put the
registry cards in the invitation or in the save the date cards. Any guest
who wants to know where you are registered will ask. The only place that it
is acceptable to include the registry information is on a wedding website if
you have one.
All the best,
Jodi R R Smith, The MannerSmith
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