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including children of varied ages

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Post #1 of 3 (5310 views)

including children of varied ages

Hi!
I'm getting married in early 2005 to a man with three children from previous relationships. He has a 21 year old daughter and 17 year old son from a previous marriage and a 5 year old son from a previous relationship.
I want to find a way to include the children in ways that will be age appropriate.
I'm afraid his daughter will be uncomfortable being a bridesmaid alongside my almost 50-ish two close friends. Is there another way to include and honor her?
His youngest will be almost 7 when the ceremony takes place. This seems too old to be ringbearer yet too young to be a groomsman.
My fiance would like his oldest son to be best man.
The two oldest from his first marriage are already in an uncomfortable position even supporting our marriage because their mother is very bitter about ...well let's just say she's bitter and is continually letting the two kids know how she feels. She's going to be unhappy if they even attend the wedding. What do I do?
I know there's time to try to work this all out, but where do I begin?
Any suggestions are welcomed!
Thanks!
Sherrie

NonDenominational Minister

Post #2 of 3 (5306 views)

Re: [In reply to]

Family dynamics are difficult to assess in a forum such as this. But I offer a couple suggestions for you to consider anyway.

1. Have your fiance ask his children if/how they would like to be involved in the wedding celebration and try to accomodate them.

2. Have you officiant add an element to the order of service that acknowledges that this union is about more than you and your fiance - that it includes the children and your commitment to them, as well.

Regarding issues with your fiance's ex -- let him and the kids work those out in ways they feel are appropriate. Your fiance, the 17 and 21-year-old have probably learned ways to maintain as much 'peace' as possible.

Family Psychotherapist

Post #3 of 3 (5306 views)

Re: [In reply to]

how wise you are to be thinking now of how to include the children on your wedding day. This is so important for the happiness of the new family.

I think it is a lovely idea for your fiances eldest son to be his best man. Luckily the oldest two are of an age where they can be sensitive to their mother's feelings about the wedding, but still able to celebrate your wedding. Talk to the daughter and ask what part she would like to play - there are so many different ways someone can contribute to the day. The same, too, with the little boy. Some kids are shy, some like to be 'in charge' of a special job. Take a look at my book How to Get Married ... Again - there are many suggestions from families who found different ways for the kids to be included. Including some I would never have thought about.

Advance planning and thinking is the key to a really wonderful day.