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New User
Feb 9, 2004, 6:28 PM
Post #1 of 4
(5241 views)
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Parents don't approve second marriage.
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I am getting married in June 2004. My fiance is 25 years older than me (I'm 36 and he is 60). We have been together now for 7 years. I have two children. Son, age 12 and daughter, age 9. They think the world of my fiance.
Although my parents have included him in our family gatherings and they seem to get along, I still feel disapproval. Everytime I bring up the wedding, my parents never respond or make any comments. They haven't asked me how the planning is going or offered to help. I even invited my mother to shop for a dress with my bridesmaides and I and she declined.
I think my parents feel the age difference is a problem. Also, I don't really think they got over the divorce from my first marriage. It lasted 10 years. But, it was ten years of arguing and fighting. We married young. I feel that I have grown up a lot since then. I've learned to become very self-sufficient, independent and also obtained an Associates Degree and currently working on my Bachelors. I have made some very positive changes since my divorce.
How can I get past this? I would love for my parents to be more involved in my wedding, but I have run out of ideas.
(This post was edited by the_admin on May 5, 2004, 7:41 AM)
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Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Feb 9, 2004, 6:56 PM
Post #2 of 4
(5236 views)
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This MAY sound too simple but...have you tried speaking with your mom and telling how you feel? Possibly she doesn't understand that she's hurting you. Maybe she has reservations and wants to protect you so she doesn't encourage the marriage. You know, as parents, we all want to protect our children...no matter how old they are! Maybe she doesn't mean any harm and doesn't even realize that she has an attiude. You haven't mentioned your dad and how he is acting. If he seems all right with everything then maybe you can ask him what's up with mom. You'll never know until you TALK...find out what the problem really is, then try to deal with it.
Please come back and let us all know how the discussion pans out.
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New User
Feb 9, 2004, 7:10 PM
Post #3 of 4
(5237 views)
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Thanks for the suggestion. I have tried talking to my parents in the past, but it always ended up in an argument. Actually, we have come a long way since then. I am really happy that they are including my fiance in family gatherings.
And, my father, on one hand, seems to be ok with it, but then I hear from a friend that he doesn't approve. So one minute I feel good about things and then the next, I'm not sure.
Anyway, you are right. A talk is in order. I will have to wait for the right moment. I'm sure my parents are feeling the same. Plus, I do feel that time [b:2e8ba4aa41]does [/b:2e8ba4aa41]heal all wounds.
Thanks, again.
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Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Feb 9, 2004, 7:18 PM
Post #4 of 4
(5236 views)
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Yes, hopefully in time they will see that you are older and wiser and THIS is a good man and it's a good relatiinship for you. When he has a good track record with your parents then maybe they can relax a bit. The key to communication with the parents is to do it at a time when all is calm, not in the heat of a moment and certainly not with the kids and fiance around.
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