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My ex is getting remarried and the kids are not included.

In _shock
New User

Post #1 of 3 (3495 views)

My ex is getting remarried and the kids are not included.

My ex-husband is getting remarried and just informed me that not only are the kids not included in the wedding they aren't even invited. My son is 10 and my daughter is 7. Everyone i talk to says it is so important for the kids to be involved in the wedding so they feel part of the new family. I was hoping to get some input from others so i know whether my concerns are legitimate or if it is none of my business. Thanks

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (3493 views)

Re: [In _shock] My ex is getting remarried and the kids are not included. [In reply to]

Your concerns are legitimate. In order for your children to feel a part of the "new family" they should at least be invited to the wedding. If you are on speaking terms with your ex it might be a god idea to speak with him about inviting the children. Let him know that his visitation with the children would propable go smoother if he included them. Ask him his reasoning behind the decision. If the fiance does not have children she may feel they will not be properly supervised and think they may "steal the show". If that's the case then maybe you could offer to send a babysitter along to give guidance.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

emily4families
Novice

Post #3 of 3 (3421 views)

Re: [In _shock] My ex is getting remarried and the kids are not included. [In reply to]

It's not at all surprising that you are in shock. Good for you to seek out support in this matter!

By exploring with your ex-husband the reasons why, you will be able to connect with him about where he's coming from first, and explore the validity of his concerns with him. Then, as you explore solutions, you may need to include his bride to be as well. See what will work for both of them -- be as respectful as you can, and withhold your judgment from them. Think about it this way -- they are doing the best they can and it is their wedding.

Don't expect them to hear you on your concerns if there is a lot of emotion in the space. Do what you can to understand them, and then, work with them around a solution that would include the children in a way that would make the most sense to them.

If they are still not at all willing to allow the children to come, you can do a lot of things to include them anyway. You can have the children create lovely congratulations cards and even make heartfelt gifts for their new stepmother. You can encourage your children to honor their father and his new bride in ways that they would like. And, you can share with them the beauty of a wedding for the couple without having them feel left out.

Emily Bouchard, MSSW, Life Coach; www.blended-families.com; author of the ebook Conquering Conflict: An Effective Technique for Resolving Blended Family Conflicts.
Emily Bouchard, MSSW
Life Coach, Speaker, & Trainer
Author, "Conquering Conflict: Techniques and Strategies for Resolving Blended Family Conflict"