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family get together when in laws hate each other

kariabrown
New User

Post #1 of 3 (3092 views)

family get together when in laws hate each other

My husband and I were divorced almost 4 years ago. Over a year ago we began attending counseling and working things out. We now have a better relationship than ever before. The problem? This weekend is our son's first communion,and we are having a reception at our house. My sister can not forgive my husband for some of the things he did while we were apart, and I know she will not come to the reception if my husband is there. I do not want to tell my husbnd he has to leave his own son's reception, but I do not want my sister to feel that I don't appreciate all that she did for me during my divorce, which is what she will automatically think when. What do I do?

emily4families
Novice

Post #2 of 3 (3083 views)

Re: [kariabrown] family get together when in laws hate each other [In reply to]

From what you wrote, "our house", "my husband", I get the impression that you two have remarried -- is this true? Or are you still divorced?

Is there a way you can connect with your sister, acknowledge and honor her feelings, and get a sense for what she cannot forgive, when you have? What is her concern? She may feel that by forgiving him, she's somehow approving of his past behaviors. And, she may have her reasons for not wanting to see you two back together. That's her business.

If you are with your husband again and intend to be with him, and if he is engaged and involved in his son's life, then of course he should be there and fully participating.

Your sister's desire to deny his involvement is not for you to fix. The best you can do is seek to understand her concerns, acknowledge them, and let her know that he will be there, and that you'd love for her to be there too.

Take care.
Emily Bouchard, MSSW
Life Coach, Speaker, & Trainer
Author, "Conquering Conflict: Techniques and Strategies for Resolving Blended Family Conflict"

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #3 of 3 (3082 views)

Re: [kariabrown] family get together when in laws hate each other [In reply to]

Your sister has been a great support during the difficult time, and perhaps she is also concerned about you being hurt again in the future. BUT, as you seem to have such a good relationship with her tell it to her just as you have to us. No need for them to be buddies - but for you sake to be there on this special day.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!