|
|
Lorianne
Deleted
Sep 16, 2003, 12:32 PM
Post #1 of 6
(7388 views)
|
adult children accepting stepfamilies and stepdad
|
|
|
My future spouce and I are older 40-50 age group
with children from our previous marriages.
My sons aged 17 & 19 are thrilled that I have found someone to be with in my life.
However My future partner has two daughters aged 21 & 24.
the younger seems happy for us but the elder who has emotional problems is having a terrible time accepting the situation.
It has nearly made me question wether we should marry next summer.
He makes me so very happy and completes me. But the strain of torment caused by his 24 year old daughter is scary.
She is not living close by but may need to come home in the very near future.
After much talking and much deliberation my fiance has told her she must at least respect our relationship. I feel certian she will not like me, (jealous issues) but my hope is she will as he has stated respect us, as a couple
Any advice on helping to facilitate this?
I am constantly called into question by her and what my motives are. My only motive is the love I feel for her father. But since I can not communicate with her this must be expressed to her by my fiance, he keeps saying she is coming around.... then something happens and we are back to square one.
I cannot even go out to a movie with them if she is in town
Help!?
(This post was edited by the_admin on May 4, 2004, 4:09 PM)
|
|
|
|
Deleted
Sep 16, 2003, 6:56 PM
Post #2 of 6
(7376 views)
|
Just be yourself and perhaps in time she will come to see that you are what you say you are and are genuine in your feelings for her father. Let her father be the one to discuss the issues with her IF any should arise. Never argue directly with her but in private tell your husband what occured and let him handle it otherwise you'll seem like the bad guy.
Will the sister be of any help pleading your case?
|
|
|
|
Jillc
Deleted
Sep 17, 2003, 3:28 AM
Post #3 of 6
(7376 views)
|
How wonderful to know your sons are thrilled about your plans.
However, I can understand how distressed you must get about the behaviour of your future husband's eldest daughter. It sounds as if you are both talking about this and that he understands the situation - don't let it become an issue between you both. Time may or may not help, just hold on to the belief of your love for each other.
Adult children from previous relationships behave in very different ways, and you may find it helpful to have a look at my book How to Get Married... Again.
http://www.gettingremarried.com/second_weddings_book_order.html
(This post was edited by the_admin on Sep 2, 2004, 7:32 PM)
|
|
|
|
Lorianne35
Deleted
Sep 17, 2003, 11:08 AM
Post #4 of 6
(7376 views)
|
Thank you for the advice... I have not tried to behave any differently to his daughters as i would my own children. and you'r right I am letting all the discussion about the behavior up to my fiance. Looking like the heavy would just crush any hope of respect- I don't even want to admit this but if she only respected our relationship and never liked me that would be enough.
His younger daughter has been kind and could be of a help but chooses to remain "out of it" and for good reason.
Again thank you very much I feel as if there may be hope for a blended family yet!
|
|
|
|
Lorianne
Deleted
Sep 17, 2003, 11:11 AM
Post #5 of 6
(7376 views)
|
Thanks Jill, I will have to pick up your book. Its interesting how all four kids behave so differently to this situation.... Its truly been a learning experience. With a lot more lessons to get through.
Its great having a forum like this to post to
|
|
|
|
Remarriage Forum Moderator
/ Moderator
Sep 19, 2003, 3:54 PM
Post #6 of 6
(7376 views)
|
Lorrianne:
If you send an email to admin@gettingremarried.com I can give you $1.00 off the price of Jill's book, which we sell directly through our site here. Mention the post on the message board and I will send you instructions on how to get your discount. This offer is extended to any others who read this post too.
|
|
|
