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Stepchildren and remarriage

debileo
New User

Post #1 of 2 (6534 views)

Stepchildren and remarriage

I am newly married to a wonderful man that has custody of his 7 yr. old. We have been together for almost 2 years. I have 2 biological children that still reside with their dad at this time. My children want to live with us but due to financial reasons, I haven't been able to fight my ex in court. His parents are very wealthy but I don't have the kind of money it will take to go through a battle. I also don't want to cause my children more grief than they already feel. My 2nd husband had help from his parents when he fought for his son. His son's mother isn't the nurturing type and isn't involved with her son's life. I guess my frustration is missing my own children so much that I can't bond with my step son. When he calls me mom, I answer but don't feel like I'm his mom. When he says it half the time, I swear I hear my own little boy's voice. I hurt so much from missing my own children and feel like I can't love someone elses child when I can't give my own the love they need. My step son tries to hug on me for the nurturing he needs but the only thing I have to offer him is friendship. His dad of course thinks he is worlds best son and that's because my husband is a wonderful dad. We have a baby on the way. He is always telling my step son what a great big brother he is going to be to his little sister. I finally said one day to him that it hurts me when he never mentions that my son & daugher will also be a big brother & sister to her. It broke my heart when he said that he actually doesn't think of my children as part of our family. I just feel that when my kids are able to part of our family that I will be able to love them all and not feel so pulled. Does anyone out there have any helpful suggestions or a similar situation?

(This post was edited by the_admin on May 4, 2004, 4:14 PM)

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #2 of 2 (6478 views)

Re: [debileo] Step Children [In reply to]

This is sadly a very common situation. How hard it must be to try to feel free to love your stepson when you are missing your own children so much. Give it time - it is said it takes 10 years to blend a family - and I hope the birth of your new baby will help with this. Try to explain to your husband how you are feeling. Do you talk to your stepson about your children? Show him photos? I think it would help you to keep them in the minds of your husband and stepson.

Above all, don't be too hard on yourself - or expect too much of yourself too soon.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!