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Stepchildren

Carmela
New User

Apr 8, 2005, 10:17 AM

Post #1 of 2 (3709 views)

Stepchildren

My Fiance and I are getting married in Nov. He lives in a 2 family house which he owns. His daughter (26 yr old) lives on the first floor with him and his son (28 yr old) and daughter in law live on the second floor. My fiance is a widower. His plans are that he wants to sell the house and together we will buy a house and start our new life together with his daughter and my daughter( 14 yr old). The son has told his father that if he sells the house he will never speak to him again. The son has never gotten over the death of his mother (3 yrs ago) but most of all he feels that he is entitled to inherit that house. My fiance has offered him to buy the house at way below market price or if the house is sold he would give his son all the money he invested into fixing the apartment up plus double. The son says he can't afford it. He has been living easy all his life due to the fact that he has not had any responsibilities. He's been married for a year and paying a reduced rent to my fiance. Besides paying a reduced rent he never pays on time. My fiance says he will not give in to his son but I feel terrible to have to start a life with him this way. The son is asking my fiance to take all the equity out of the house so he can keep the house. With his track record of never paying rent on time I don't want him to do that because my fiance and I would never be able to pay that mortgage and our mortgage.

Am I wrong in feeling that his son has no right to dictate what his father should do?

emily4families
Novice

Apr 8, 2005, 6:48 PM

Post #2 of 2 (3695 views)

Re: [Carmela] Stepchildren [In reply to]

You're certainly not wrong for your opinions and feelings.

Here's the problem -- how you think and feel about this has nothing to do with the son. He will do and say and feel however he chooses to about this -- and this is behavior that has been rewarded and encouraged up until this point.

This is between the son and the father. It's an unfortunate situation, and one that your fiance has contributed to for years.

I recommend that you support your fiance in what he thinks is best now, and to do your best to keep your opinions and ideas out of the picture. You were not part of creating this problem, and you are not going to be able to solve it.

I recommend the book StepWars to you, as it may help prepare you for what's ahead. Your fiance may also want to check out www.thewilliamsgroup.org -- their book on Preparing Heirs is exceptional and will give him some insights into what's happened between him and his son. Their other book, For Love and Money is also a great read for this sort of situation.

I wish you all the best -- and the best advice I can give you is to stay out of it and to love him through it -- whatever he chooses to do.
Emily Bouchard, MSSW
Life Coach, Speaker, & Trainer
Author, "Conquering Conflict: Techniques and Strategies for Resolving Blended Family Conflict"

(This post was edited by the_admin on Apr 8, 2005, 9:02 PM)