Ask the Experts

Home: Second Weddings: Becoming a Blended Family:
Need Help, new at this

Daisy
New User

Post #1 of 2 (3407 views)

Need Help, new at this

My partner and I moved in together 4 months ago. He has 2 children, and they spend every other weekend with us. I have 2 children and they are with me 24/7, the father has no contact with them for the past two years due to a restraining order. The problem is that my partner is not sure how to behave around my kids and what role to take on. In addition I think he struggles with the issue of loyalty to his children. We are not sure how to tackle those issues and reach the best possible grounds so that we are all happy. Our children get alone well most of the time. I don't have issues with his children because they spend little time with us and at that time I play the friendly adult role leaving all discipline issues to their father. I know he can't do the same because my children are there all the time and have no father figure.
If you have any tips that can get us started in the right path, let me know.

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #2 of 2 (3403 views)

Re: [Daisy] Need Help, new at this [In reply to]

Its great that you are thinking about this together. I like the 'we'. It can be hard for a parent who is not living with their own children to be with a new partner's children. Take it slow.... I think you are right in playing the friendly adult with your partners kids when they come to visit. It is harder for your partner... but give it time to settle. You are at the beginning of a new journey and all finding your feet. The discipline will come gradually - dont rush it. Let everyone have time to really get to know each other.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!