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Kids in the ceremony?

skyray
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Post #1 of 7 (8992 views)

Kids in the ceremony?

My fiance and I are getting married but have yet to set a date. One of the issues we have is involving children in the ceremony. She's been married twice previously, and me once. Our kids are from our most recent marriages. She'd prefer I think to have a ceremony/honeymoon away and keep it simple. This would involve no family or children participation in a ceremony. I am all for simplicity, but prefer to have a simple ceremony locally, to include the children only in some way (she has 2 boys, 5 and 6 yrs. old, I have a daughter 7 and son 3 who both live out of state with their mom 70% of the year), and then skip town for a great honeymoon. I feel that the kids seeing our family come together in a formal yet fun way, would be great...for me, her and all the kids! I'd also enjoy having all 6 of us together as it's a moment we'll all remember for the rest of our lives and really establishes our new family. Her ex just remarried (away) and her boys were barely congnizant of it all and I'd bet they have it tough to 'bond' with their father and his new wife as a family. How do me and my fiance resolve our differences?

Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 7 (8986 views)

I agree with you... [In reply to]

I agree with you that it is important to include the children in the wedding ceremony and festivities that may follow so that they can SEE what is happening. However, for the honeymoon I think it is important to have some alone time. :shock:
Please read our page on including the children in the ceremony and reception here:
http://www.gettingremarried.com/child_wedding.html

Step Family Information:
http://www.gettingremarried.com/second_marriage_children.html

JillC
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Post #3 of 7 (8984 views)

children and weddings [In reply to]

I agree with Admin that it is important that the children are with you on this important day. After all, it is a family wedding and the beginning of shared memories. I have spoken with many men and women who (as children) were left out from the celebrations of a parents remarriage, and all of them felt quite bitter and sad about it. Share the day with the kids - and then have a lovely honeymoon!

katheria1
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Post #4 of 7 (8984 views)

stepfamilies and children in wedding [In reply to]

I also agree with the admin
I have been married 2 times (widowed once) and my future husband 1 time before.
I have a 11 yr old and a 8 yr old
He has a12 yr old son, and his son has a 1/2 sister.
Neither one of us before this have had a traditional wedding just the justice of the peace walk in walk out weddings.
We are even inviting his ex to the wedding and her daughter.
Her daughter is going to be the flower girl.

Now I wont say that i get along very well with her but she is my future husbands son's mother.for i do respect her, and treat her like part of the family.though has hard as it may be sometimes to do

I thought about the includeing the children also for a long time
and decided to do it, even though its a step family situation i think it will be the best for everyone.
I really believe now days we should stop and look at the whole picture
Includeing children i believe should be a big part of the wedding,
especially when there are alot of children, it will show that you step parent to be really do care and love the mother/father of them.
Especially when there are children that are in their 8-16yrs range
that is allready a really hard time in their life and excludeing them from the wedding is going to make them feel not wanted in alot of ways.
I would really encourage your soon to be wife to read these answers and maybe take a step back and look through a set of childrens eyes...

okec
Deleted

Post #5 of 7 (8984 views)

Re: Kids in the ceremony? [In reply to]

[quote:21311ac55e="skyray"]My fiance and I are getting married but have yet to set a date. One of the issues we have is involving children in the ceremony. She's been married twice previously, and me once. Our kids are from our most recent marriages. She'd prefer I think to have a ceremony/honeymoon away and keep it simple. This would involve no family or children participation in a ceremony. I am all for simplicity, but prefer to have a simple ceremony locally, to include the children only in some way (she has 2 boys, 5 and 6 yrs. old, I have a daughter 7 and son 3 who both live out of state with their mom 70% of the year), and then skip town for a great honeymoon. I feel that the kids seeing our family come together in a formal yet fun way, would be great...for me, her and all the kids! I'd also enjoy having all 6 of us together as it's a moment we'll all remember for the rest of our lives and really establishes our new family. Her ex just remarried (away) and her boys were barely congnizant of it all and I'd bet they have it tough to 'bond' with their father and his new wife as a family. How do me and my fiance resolve our differences?[/quote:21311ac55e]

okay
Deleted

Post #6 of 7 (8984 views)

Re: Kids in the ceremony? [In reply to]

The kids should be included but the ceremony is for you and your wife to be, not the kids. Remember who comes first. I am not saying the kids aren't a factor or should be dismissed in any way. I have two myself that are my world BUT I think you should establish a healthy example for them to follow with your relationship with your fiancee other wise aren't you setting the stage from the beginning to be a competition? hmmm. tough subject.

Wichaela
New User

Post #7 of 7 (8968 views)

Re: [okay] Kids in the ceremony? [In reply to]

The children should definately be included, I know this from experience, I jumped into my second marriage where my second husband didn't feel that it was necessary to have my children be involved and I went on my own, which in turn made my children feel resentful and hurt. I am now planning my third and final wedding and am extremly grateful that my fiancee' asked my children if it would be okay if he married their mommy;All four of my children were extremely delighted to have been asked and it made them feel that they were definately a part of us; I would not marry again if my children were not feeling included or didn't feel like they were a part of us. It is very hurtful and damaging to the one wishing to include the children and also damaging and very hurtful to the children if they are not to be included. I would not even think of marrying again if my children did not feel accepted or if they did not feel like they were a big part of our lives. I have found also that there are pastors out there who can give a wedding service which includes the children, you will have to just look around and ask. But whatever you do by all means include your children.