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Getting married on Sept 4th

sunrize24
New User

Post #1 of 3 (3774 views)

Getting married on Sept 4th

Hello, I have just stumbled upon this website while preparing things for my wedding and this sight looks great.

I am getting married on September 4th 2004 and my fiance has 3 children aged 5, 7, and 9. And I have a girl aged 9. My ex-husband is fine with the idea of me getting remarried, is remarried himself and is happy for us, however, my fiance's ex-wife is a different story. His ex-wife is not going on with her life, they have been divorced 2 1/2 years and she is still very bitter. Instead of being happy for him because he has met someone that makes him and the children happy, she constantly is trying to break us up. My daughter knows about the wedding and has been helping us get ready. His ex-wife is the master of head games and so we are scared to tell his children about the wedding date because they go home and tell her everything. The children were all very happy when we got engaged in February, and I am sure they are going to be very excited to be in the ceremony. We just don't know what to do. Should we tell them or just surprise them that weekend? This is so tough! We are just afraid she will do something to ruin our big day.

the_admin
Remarriage Forum Moderator / Moderator

Post #2 of 3 (3770 views)

Re: [sunrize24] Getting married on Sept 4th [In reply to]

If you are thinking of "surprising" his children with a wedding consider what might happen if your daughter accidentally (or not accidentally) spilled the beans to his children. Even the best behaved young ladies sometimes can let a secret slip.

Keeping this secret could make the ex even more bitter. There is not real right or wrong answer here, only you can make this decision. This may sound corny but honesty is always the best policy, go with the truth. You should probably tell them there is going to be a wedding but maybe just keep the place a secret.
I Do - Take Two Moderator

Jill
Family Psychotherapist

Post #3 of 3 (3768 views)

Re: [sunrize24] Getting married on Sept 4th [In reply to]

There are several issues to consider. First of all you can't run your life in fear of an ex. Secondly, it is not really fair on your daughter for her to have this 'secret'. And thirdly, your fiances children need some preparation about the news of the wedding.

This is a big thing about to happen - a 'family wedding' so no secrets, and deal with what comes up.
Jill Curtis, psychotherapist
http://familyonwards.com Author, How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) available from this site!