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CareBear
New User
Feb 28, 2005, 11:11 PM
Post #1 of 2
(3834 views)
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Ex wife finally remarried!!!!!
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My Husband and I will be married for 5 years in Sept he has been divorced from his ex for 6 years now....it's been a long 6 years of hearing nothing but his ex telling there son that his dad would be coming back someday, even after we where married. Finally last summer she was remarried things should be great she finally found someone else time to move on...WRONG!!!!!! THIS Women is more bitter now then before the new husband came into the picture and I didn't think that was possibibly considering how the last 6 years has been with this women, we have gone through this women waiting in parking lots for my husband to drive by, then following him and waving him to the side of the road to talk with him, sitting outside our home watching what was going on. knocking on our front door and wouldn't leave until he came to the door, with her first ex husband she would go to his home and look in the window then go home and call him and tell him what him and his wife was eating for dinner and what they where wearing. My husband and I made an agreement when we got married that we would never let her come between us and in 5 years it has not happened. But what is her problem. if she's happily remarried and has moved on like my stepson keeps telling us why is she so bitter???????
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emily4families
Novice
Mar 2, 2005, 10:38 PM
Post #2 of 2
(3770 views)
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Re: [CareBear] Ex wife finally remarried!!!!!
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I can't imagine what life has been like for you and your husband (and his son) with such an unhappy woman to deal with.
I work with people daily dealing with frustrating ex's -- and I find that focusing on the question of "why" doesn't really solve anything or help the situation. I'm all about how to have peace and gratitude -- in the midst of whatever she does -- so that she doesn't have an effect on you.
You two must be so grateful to have found each other and to know that you have a peace in your relationship. You can feel so fortunate that you don't have that kind of personality and that you've been able to freely and easily move on with your lives, together. And, you must certainly be empowered and appreciative of the fact that your relationship is stronger than ever -- even with all her stunts. Kudos to you both.
One thing you might do is allow her to be a conscious reminder of just how blessed you are. One thing you can do that's a fun twist, is every time she shows up or calls, or in any way makes you aware of her presence, put a dollar in a jar. Make a commitment to spend that money on yourselves in a very special way (a cruise you've always wanted to take; a trip to an exotic place; a hot air balloon ride, .. you get the idea). Each of you needs to have a stack of ones in your wallet (simply cash a $10 bill each Monday and keep those One's separate from your spending money). If the frequency of her appearances is too much for your budget, then put a quarter in each time, instead of a $1. The point is to reward yourselves, tangibly, every single time she shows up. That way, you'll actually look forward to her antics, and you'll greatly benefit from them as well.
One thing couples find when they start this "game" is that the frequency goes down, and they even get a little disappointed that the jar isn't filling up quite so fast. :)
Either way you win!
Have fun, and celebrate how fortunate you are in so many ways!
Emily Bouchard, MSSW
Life Coach, Speaker, & Trainer
Author, "Conquering Conflict: Techniques and Strategies for Resolving Blended Family Conflict"
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