[imhome]

This is my second marriage, first for the FH. We are paying for the entire event and both are in our early 30's. It is set to be a small (40-45 guests) wedding in Las Vegas. The dilemma lies in what to do on sending/not sending an invitation to my father's family who all live on the east coast.

The FH has a large extended immediate family with both parents remarried and an ex-step family who remain like blood family because of his half-sister. Everyone gets along.

Because this will be my FH's first and only marriage, [], I gave him more of the guest list. I was only planning on inviting my immediate family (parents, sisters and spouse/boyfriend) since my first wedding involved every relative known to my parents.

When I expressed this to my mother last Friday, she was disappointed that I didn't think to ask outside our immediate family, especially since I had let my FH invite his ex-step family. Some of my other family members she is referring to will not be able to make if for the following reasons: 1) grandparents cannot physically fly 2) two sets of uncle/aunt cannot afford it. The other two sets of uncle/aunt are questionable; one set is having their son get married one and a half months later on the east coast. Despite this, she STILL wants me to send out an invitation - and to do so only one month before the event to better the chances of them not being able to attend. This is all so that my dad doesn't get upset. I know that an announcement would be more appropriate but she, nor my dad, will see it that way.

Am I not being sympathetic enough to my parents? Was it wrong for my FH to have invited several relatives (including ex-step family) outside his immediate biological family although I did not reciprocate on my side?

I have read through so many forums and expert advice on etiquette, resulting in conflicting views so now I don't know what to do. I've stressed over this since last Friday and need a final answer....WHAT IS IT???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks.

v/r,

I'm Home

[Etiquette Now]

Dear I'm Home,

The bottom line is that this is your wedding, you are paying for it, and can invite anyone you wish to invite. Yes, it would have been appropriate to invite your dad's side of the family. But, this is ultimately your choice.

Your family may be a bit intimidated by the number of family members on the other side of the aisle. This may be the real issue. You worked through your thought processes quite well here. Perhaps if you stated it this way to your family, they will understand.

An announcement to your father's family is just fine.

Best wishes,