[faithngabby]

I am the matron of honor in my future sister in law’s wedding. I have a few questions about the "proper" way of doing things. The bride did not have a BIG first wedding and seems to be going all out. Which I have been helping with, we have been working on her invitations, favours, centerpieces and I enjoy doing it.

However, there are some serious concerns when it comes to the shower. My mother-in-law (who happens to be the groom’s mother) is refusing to attend a bridal shower given for the bride and is also refusing to allow us to invite her family members. I understand her feelings. She has had two of her other children re-marry and did not have showers or contribute to them at all. The bride's biggest argument is that she did ‘attend’ one of the daughter’s second bridal showers. However, the ONLY reason she attended the second shower was because at the time of that daughters first marriage they were not on speaking terms and were not even invited to her first wedding. She however still did not contribute to the throwing of the shower or allow any of her family members to be invited. And she did not attend the other daughter second shower.

So, in order to attempt to please both I discussed having a SMALL get together, at my home, of about 20 friends and family members for a personal shower. My MIL is fine with that although she still will not allow us to invite her family members. However, the bride wants a big bridal shower. She never even HAD a shower the first time around and would like one now. I really am at a loss here. I don’t know what to do. I have other concerns too, I am the only attendant with the exception of the groom’s 16 years old daughter and I can not afford a big shower. Second, the groom’s mother is MY MIL, I really do not want to upset her. We have always had a great relationship and I want it to stay that way. Third, the BRIDE and I have become good friends since her and my brother-in-law began dating and I want to make this day as special for her as I can. I ‘thought’ my small shower would make everyone happy but it is not. PLEASE HELP ME..[crazy]

Geesh, I thought when I got married all of my wedding stresses would be over []

Thank you

Tracy

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Bridal Shower Concern,

It is too bad that your MIL is still thinking that second time brides should not have showers. This definitely is not the case these days. But, I think the real issue here is that you cannot afford to host a big shower anyway.

The bottom line is that the host chooses the size of the shower, not the bride. She may want a huge shower, but you are the boss here. I understand that you want to nuture this relationship that you have begun. However, this is a good time to set limits. You will be the one stuck with the bill at the end.

This doesn't help much except to let you know that it is in your control, no one elses.

Good luck with this one