[gmadi]

My husband died last January, and although I loved him very much until the day he died, I have now gotten involved in a new relationship that both of us hope will lead to marriage. I have not told my children (15, 11 and 9) anything about this relationship yet because I don't know when they might be ready to accept a new man in my life. What would be a good guideline to be able to tell when they are ready? What do I say? How long should we wait to get married? We have known each other for seven months and have talked marriage for about two, but know it all depends on the children (his are grown). What would you recommend?

[the_admin]

Have you reviewed our page on Remarriage, Widows and Widowers?

[Jill]

It is wonderful to read that you have found a new love - but keep in mind that although the timing feels right for you, it may not be for the children. So take is slowly - let them get to know your new love as a family friend, and watch how things go. They will still be grieving for their father so keep a sensitive eye on them and you will know when it is time to talk to them about your future hopes and plans. Dont rush it - even though you might want to do just that.

[gmadi]

So does that mean I could begin now to introduce the concept to them? Should I wait until after the one year anniversary of the death? Or should I begin very slowly now? It is very hard keeping a secret from them, especially one this important. I don't mind not telling them everything, but I want to tell them something.

[Jill]

You are right, it is hard to keep a secret, but why not begin to give them some idea of what is in the wind... but go slowly and watch carefully for their reactions.